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Running Away

Today I am thankful for the option of running away. 

I have this incredible urge to run away from men in general. 

It sounds bad but this is where I am at. 

I don't fear intimacy so much as I fear being controlled.

I want equality. 

With my friend, it comes down to one line.  I'm going to paraphrase.

I'm beginning to make him uncomfortable.  

I guess he perceives me as NOT treating him as my equal.  I try.  I try to introduce him to movers and shakers.  I try to get him face time with people who he can influence.  I try to pay my own way. 

My mentalism used to give him the creeps.  He finds comfort in it now. 

This makes me sad. 
I do agree that the energy is weird.  There is this push-pull dynamic that is hard to explain. 
  
Maybe....just maybe....I need to let him go. 
They say that this is an INFJ thing.  We are runners.  When people get too close, we tend to turn tail and run. 
Maybe I should. 
That thought is bringing me severe pain. 
The thought that I have made him uncomfortable, though, brings even more pain to me than the thought of losing him.

I guess I have to let go now. 
I'm off to cry alone. 
Love,
S.

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