Skip to main content

TBA

I don't know what to be thankful for. 

I guess I can be thankful that I'm not greedy.

The mediator took me aside and asked about the violence. 

I couldn't take part in the mediation.  Nothing mattered.  If we come to an agreement in public, it falls apart in private.  Whatever he wants is fine by me. 

The lawyer noticed and sent him from the room. 

I told her what was going on.  I can't mediate.  I'll just do whatever my ex wants.  I can't talk to him without getting yelled at, so I just want to do whatever he wants. 

She asked me to leave.

She took him aside.

When I came back, he had signed an agreement giving me the house and the IRA in exchange for my right to get alimony.  He also gets the tax credits. 

Here is the deal.  I don't want the house and the IRA. 

I feel quite guilty about it. 

I really wanted to do this without talking about the stalking and the violence.  I think I guilt tripped  him into giving me things.  I don't like that.  That's not fair!

I think I may have cried when I spoke about how the stalking has changed my life.  I think I may have cried again when I said that having the police tell me that my ex was behind it ruined my perception of the world. 

Up until that day, I trusted my heart. 

Now, I don't.  I think I am chasing away a decent man because I don't trust myself. 

Should I go back and change everything?

I don't want to control people with tears!

This whole thing hurts me so damn much. 

I just want my freedom. 
 
*****
 
Can I take the house?  

Can I do this to other people?

Can I take the only assets that I know about?

It's like he's giving me everything. 

It does not feel right. 

I wish I knew what to do. 

If I knew for sure that he hid $47K, I wouldn't feel so bad. 

The house has a lot of equity.  There is only $28K in the IRA (maybe less).

He also promised to finance another car for me so that I can have something that won't have a GPS box on it. 

I'll pray about it. 

I don't want to do anything that will compromise my ability to get beauty sleep.

I haven't signed anything yet.

I have until next week to get this done. 

I also heard that I may have to wait until January 2nd to finalize it due to the chance that letting my ex claim me on his 2013 taxes will save him a small fortune.  I'm asking an accountant to run the numbers. 

If it makes little difference, I'll get it over with sooner rather than later.  If it saves him more than $1,000 then I'll wait.

That would make me feel a tiny bit better. 

It sucks having ethics. 

Love ya,

S. 

Edit: I did pray about it.  If I manage to make decent money, I can always return the favor.  I can set aside the funds for the kids or get a life insurance police to benefit my ex or do something to repay him. 

I guess it's easier to give money back than it is to fight for what one needs. 

I'm off to hunt for a real job. 

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor hi...
Read more

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP a...
Read more