Skip to main content

Unique Imperfection

 Okay...I expect you to sing along to this song.  Got it? 


Today I am thankful for unique imperfection.
 
What is perfection anyway? 
 
He laments not being perfect. 
 
Why?
 
This is a man who once wrote, after spending a night on the town with me, wrote that
 
"One doesn't have to be perfect to be loved."
 

 
I'm not perfect.
 
I'm overweight. 
 
I'm a size 10/12. 
 
I'm supposed to be a 6/8. 
 
I've got stretch marks. 
 
I break out. 
 
I have an angry wrinkle when he's not around.
 
When he's around, I have smile lines. 
 
I'm not perfect. 
 
He may not be perfect
 
-still-
 
he is everything I find beautiful. 
 
Shouldn't that be enough?
 
 
This person makes me feel beautiful. I'm not perfect but the love I feel for him, the love that escapes me and makes me feel gratitude for breathing....
 
that is what makes me feel beautiful and happy.
Does he not understand?
 
That is perfection. 
 
I've never loved someone so much that it makes me cry to think that he's in pain, that he has doubt, that he doesn't understand that he's wonderful just as he is.
 
I must've spent the last hour crying.
 
I'm such a wimp!!!
 
I do fear that my divorce isn't going to go through and the anxiety is making me violently ill.  The communication between my ex and I has broken down to the point that I don't know what I'm going to do.  How do we finish things when we can't talk?
 
I'll keep praying. 
 
Everytime I pray....it seems as though the God and Goddess send Steve to talk about the same things bugging me.
 
Today, I was praying because I wasn't perfect for him.  I feel badly because I'm not with him the way he needs a woman to be with him.
 
 I hoped that he finds exactly what he needs without hesitation.

There could very well be a darn good reason for the blocks. 

Maybe I'm not the one for him.
 
I hoped that if I am what he needs

that he sees me as beautiful and knows I love him.

I also hope I can learn to communicate better and understand what I need to do to be a support to him.
 
I'm not doing that. 
 
It hurts me deeply.
 
He sent me an email talking about his imperfection and wondering why he felt compelled to do so. 
 
Miracles abound.
 
I'm praying that these blocks standing in the way of our happiness dissipate soon.
 
Whether or not we hook up, we both deserve happiness.
 
I am a good woman.
 
He is a good man.
 
Why can't we be happy?  
 
I'll sign off and pray some more. 
 
Love ya,
 
S. 
 
 

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...
Read more

Of Cowards and Chairs

Today I am thankful for cowards and chairs.   I don't understand the whole Clint Eastwood thing.  I mean, really, if you're going to do a Gestalt therapy session without a shrink, at least be brave enough put the idiot needing the scolding in the darn chair.  There are some people who would need two chairs; one for Obama and one for Bush.  Me, I'd need a whole heck of a lot of chairs.  I'd whine.  I'd complain.  I'd go after one side for stealing money from the poor and giving it to the rich.  Then I'd yell at the other one for the same thing.  Where are they for the poor?  Where are they for the huddled masses? The tired?  The needy?  Nowhere.... I mean, we give money in the expectation that it will be there for us should we need it...right? We pay our taxes.  Why do they keep rising while our benefits from them are dropping?  I'll tell you. Politician are only in it for themselves....
Read more