Block Smashing Days

Today I am thankful for block smashing days.

I woke up and all of the idiotic things that were in the way of my progress went away.

I found a short term therapist for PTSD help; I think this is why I am having intimacy blocks. I'll be fixed up in no time.

A little EMDR...

A little Gestalt therapy...

and the anxiety from the stalking will be a thing of the past.

I'll be good as new.

I found that one of my previous doctors will help me with girly stuff. My insurance situation is iffy and it is darn difficult to find one willing to take a patient without reliable access to health insurance. This one will take my dough.

Things are looking up!

Hooray!!!

Then my momentum died in the afternoon.

I learned that the divorce documents had an error, so we have our official divorce document signing party at 12:30 on Thursday.

Everything was going my still way, though...

until around 1:00.

I got an email from my ex with a horribly mixed message. He wants to reconcile but he knows that I'm happier with someone else.

Huh?

That is one minor block.

I decided that it is best to focus on something else.

Okay....

My to-do list is a mile long. I have to build a resume. I have to build a website. I have to start selling products online.

Then....I tried to work on my Flash Website! UGH!!!

The site crashed!!!

UGH!!!

I get to start over now.

That's a huge block!

Thank goodness I can get back to work.

Things are not going so well now.

I'll keep plugging away.

Love ya,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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