Demons

Today I am thankful for demons. 

Yeah...I'm Pagan. 

Demons are a way of life.  We examine the inner demons.  We examine the outer demons.

Demons....

demons....

everywhere!





I don't know where to start. 

The ESTP ex in the basement had a rage attack this morning. 

This rage attack was another "I'm your stalker 'cuz the cops say so" attacks.  He's screaming at the top of his lungs, hitting his legs, and tantruming like a little baby. 

He wanted to know why I couldn't stay with him. 

The stalking is part of the reason. 

I still hate sleeping alone. 

It is NOT normal to constantly inspect door knobs for signs of damage and to look over your shoulder for 500 pound bitchy sister-in-laws wanting to pound your head in. 

When I told him that I fear him because of the stalking, he went insane. 

I also learned that he lied to me in order to put the divorce off until next year.  He won't owe taxes if we do it now, he'll just get a smaller refund. 

I'm not sure if I should bother trying to get an earlier court date.

*****

My Grandmother said that we we are all assigned a Shaitan demon upon birth.  

These Shaitans are said to tempt us into hell.     

They are the demons within that ruin our lives. 

If only the Shaitain were easy to control. 

Sometimes when we think we control our Shaitan, and think we have it mastered, we realize that it still has control of us.

My ex can't control his angry Shaitan. 

****

I should know better than to try to get to know a man I haven't met at a metaphysical event.

This is going to get interesting. 

My spirituality tends to drive men insane.   

I'm meditating to thoughts of Sanguine Vampires.  I wonder what that archetype means. 

I don't like that. 

Not at all. 

I had to investigate why that would be the archetype I would summon in trance.

*****

I had a conversation with an INTP who had been spurned by a few INFJs. 

I did not like what he had to say. 

He said my friend and I were doomed to fail in a relationship. 

He had everything charted out. 

I did not tell him anything about my friend or myself other than our personality profile type.  He expected as much because INFJs are secretive to the hilt. 

In sum, he projected his experiences onto us.  I found some truth to it. 

He explained  my communication problem with my friend.  He explained why our roles were reversed.  He explained why my friend is acting funny, planning everything, and trying to seal deals with me despite this being out of character for him. 

He went so far to explain why I am refusing to plan when, by my very nature, I plan everything else in my life. 

In sum.....He claimed that I (and my INFJ ilk) all all sultry succubi who always have an escape route.  

In fact, I'm planning to run away already but just don't know it yet. 

Really? 

I'm trying to process this. 

*****

In this man's eyes, I am INTP demonic kryptonite. 

I am secretive and mysterious.  INTPs love that because we are one puzzle they can't figure out. 

Then, after awhile, the mystery gets annoying and they think that forming a formal relationship will cause the INFJ to spill her guts about everything.  So, despite liking to leave everything open ended, they start to plan a romantic means of defining the relationship. 

The INFJ gets scared to death because someone is getting nosy and wanting to figure out all her deep dark secrets, so she refuses to plan and gets a little skittish. 

The more he pushes, the more she retreats. 

Presto - Change-o  - They've reversed polarities.

Then she'll get really super scared and run away. 

Oh.....he goes on to call all INFJs fakers and liars. 

Gosh....I need to find one that had a happy ending. 

I'm leaving myself a little bit sad over this. 

Am I really a blood sucking vampire?

*****

Since I've been a child, I have been an empath. 

I think I have some pre-cognitive ability.  Okay, okay...I need to qualify this a little bit.  People are generally creatures of habit so it is fairly easy to deduce probable outcomes without trying.  Take, for example, a crazy driver.  The crazy driver is probably not going to take a driver's ed refresher course and will probably end up getting hurt in a car crash.  That's not necessarily pre-cognition, it is a good guess. 

Still, that ability of mine does creep people out. 

I am also Pagan.  I like candles and incense.  I like meditation.  If I had cosmetic surgery to fix the sags, I probably would ritualistically run around naked in my backyard when my neighbors aren't around. 

Just as I am loathe to blind my neighbors, there are some things I am loathe to discuss in public because people do not understand. 

They don't. 

I'm not trying to be secretive.

I'm trying not to make anyone else uncomfortable. 

I'm going to take some time to process that conversation.  

It hurts to think my best friend can have a broken heart. 

It hurts worse to think I could possibly do that to him just be being me. 

Wow....

Love ya,

S.