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My Ex's Acting

 
Today I am thankful for my ex's acting.
 
 
We sign the divorce papers tomorrow at noon.  Well, actually we sign at 12:30. 
 
He's going to ask the court to hold the hearing on January 2nd, so he saves $5,000 on taxes. 
 
Nonetheless, the agreement is ready to go. 
 
It's a little bit scewed in my favor but if I can get a new job maybe the judge will let me give some of the IRA to my ex if I ask.  I guess there is a benefit to putting the final hearing off. 
 
My ex wanted to friend me on Facebook to keep in touch. 
 
Okay. 
 
 
He's preparing to move out of the basement and Facebook would make it easier to communicate without the emotional response he gets when hearing my voice. 
 
 
Okay. 
 
*****


 
Different people express love in different ways.  Some people like to talk.  Some people like to touch.  Some people like to take care of details.  Some people like to give gifts.  Some people like to affirm the value of others.  Other people like to criticize in an effort to force the other person to grow. 
 
I can't handle that last bit.  I know my faults.  I don't need anyone making light of them. 
 
I can't handle that crap.  I really can't. 
 
Over the past two days, my friend has been a tad bit weird and confusing towards me. 

It's either him working through his personal stuff or trying to force me to grow on some level that makes me uncomfortable.
 
He's projecting a lot of stuff. 
 
He's putting his foot in his mouth. 
 
He's attacking me claiming I don't want to know him and all sorts of other hurtful things. 
 
He's trying to argue with me about minuta. 
 
 
Some of this stuff, he's doing on Facebook in view of other people.  
 
It hurts my feelings a little bit. 
 
That's okay. 
 
He called me irresponsible. 
 
 
Little does he know that I've taken responsibility for making sure that if we're together he won't get saddled with unwanted gifts. 
 
He made it clear that he doesn't want to get together like that. 
 
 
Okay....I guess the pills can go in the trash. 
 
 
No biggie.  I don't like the weight gain anyway. 
 
 
Tonight he spent some time on my page picking me apart over my use of the word "should."
 
You know, I am right when I say that "love shouldn't hurt." 
 
Two people should talk to each other to make sure they are on the same page. 
 
My friend thinks that this is a judgmental and hurtful statement. 
 
 
Okay....
 
 
He kept pushing and pushing. 
 
 
He wrote line after line illustrating why I was wrong. 
 
 
While this was going on, my ex was on the computer in the basement. 
 
 
He was reading my page. 
 
 
And you could hear him laughing.....
 
Then you could hear him screaming
 
"Abort!",
 
"Abort!",
 
"Be quiet, Man!!"
 
"You're digging yourself deeper!"
 
He started making airplane sounds. 
 
"Zoooom.......Zoooommm.....Schreech.......Schreech.....!"
 
"Mayday!"
 
"Mayday!"
 
 
When 8:00 rolled around and I said I was too tired to Facebook, I heard my ex make a
 
"BOOM" sound before saying "Game Over."
 
 
He came upstairs. 
 
 
He gave me a hug. 
 
 
He said he was sorry and that he still loved me. 
 
He said that my friend is a fool. 
 
 
I don't know what to make of this. 
 
 
I am exhausted. 
 
 
I am frustrated. 
 
 
And I've learned that when my friend says that he wants sex, he doesn't mean that. 
 
No....he means that he doesn't want to be screwed by politicians. 
 
 
I don't know how to speak his language. 
 
To me sex means.....flinging clothes.....nakedness....sucking....tasting.....horizontal polka-ing......upright polka-ing....sharing a lap......mimicking porn.....that kind of thing.
 
The last thing that comes to mind is politics or governmental institutions. 
 
Okay....whatever......I should have checked in with my friend earlier before visiting the doc. 
 
I thought he was quite clear.  He wanted sex. 
 
I guess that means that his definition of sex is not the same as mine. 
 
Okay.....
 
Help? 
 
They don't have a pill for getting screwed by politicians. 
 
I guess they do....
 
It's called Prozac. 
 
Perhaps Thorazine would work, too.   It's a pharmaceutical lobotomy.  Politics can't hurt if you can't think about it (or anything else for that matter). 
 
*****
 
This is the life that awaits me after I divorce. 
 
At least I'll have plenty of time to wash my hair! 
 
I'm nursing two broken hearts this evening; I lose a crazy ex whose been on his best behavior of late -and- I lose my best friend. 

That's the way love goes. 
 
Love ya,
 
 
S.  

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