Today I am thankful for psychic decluttering.
I got rid of the lawyer, my ex filled out the divorce agreement.
He was giving me $500 per month of alimony.
I asked him where he got that number. He plucked it from his head.
Divorce doesn't work that way.
Try this....Zero alimony.
If I get a job at $10 per hour (maybe at a fast food joint if need be), he shouldn't have to pay me a dime.
Our state has an alimony formula. It is 40% of his income minus 50% of mine multiplied by half the length of the marriage.
So, if I earned a mere $10.00 per hour. He would only need to pay me $60,000.
He wrote that he wanted to give me the house and the equity, let's say it will be $45,000 - $55,000 depending on the appraisal.
He'll need not pay me alimony and he can keep half of the retirement accounts (which are nearly decimated now anyway).
If I can make $150 per hour and work three hours per day, I'll give him the house and alimony.
If he lets me start looking for a job and quits messing around with the car, I can save him some dough.
I can start seriously hunting for work now that I plan to quit my volunteer gig (when my supervisor gets to the office tomorrow).
I found a lawyer willing to type up our agreements for $300.
See how easy this is getting to be?
It also helps that I am not really seeing Steve anymore. The last time Steve and I had a hiatus, my ex was willing to sign the initial divorce petition (after years of being a threatening jerk about it). Maybe I need to be alone to get this done because the jealousy has disappeared.
I truly adore Steve but I can't deal with the hanging out with sex offenders business. I spend a lot of time with little girls; we would need amazing boundaries if we were to try to have a relationship. I don't know how that would work. I'm not ready to deal with that. I need to be able to think clearly. Right now, I'm not able to do that.
I am happy, though, that the stalking issue may not have been a stalking issue after all.
Knowing that my ex had given his sister a key has really taken the edge off of the stalking and breaking in the house issue. It's one thing to think an estranged sister-in-law is breaking in your house, it's another when she's invited.
It's disgusting that my ex didn't tell me why she was coming in the house. He initially claimed that she broke in but now that he said he mailed her a key, it is somewhat nice to know that there was no malice intended. Although my ex is now claiming he lied when he said he gave her a key.
I don't know. Why would he lie? He probably told the truth when he said that.
As long as she doesn't break in again or visit me unannounced or follow me in public, I don't care what she does.
I'm not sure I'll let him have a key to the new locks. If he's prone to mailing them to his family and they are prone to coming in at will - he can't have a key after our divorce.
Things are looking up. Let's hope it keeps getting better.
I have not been there for my friends at all. One is looking at being arrested due to his ex's courtroom shenanigans. Another lost her handsome son yesterday, he was my age. I wasn't there for them because I was focused on my bullshit. I need to be myself again. I need to be there for my friends again.
I hope it's over soon.
Love ya,
S.
Next Day Edit: For the first day in weeks, my hair isn't falling out.
It was coming out in clumps. Today, I only lost a small amount in a brush.
I haven't tossed my cookies in 24 hours either.
I guess I had to get rid of the clutter.
What a difference a day makes.