Today I am thankful for answered prayers.
I am fairly certain that Isis and Osiris have answered my prayers for Steve.
I should have known by the cat that comes around the door when I do the rituals. I didn't believe it. I thought the cat just wanted the fish.
It explains everything. It explains why he left for two weeks. It explains why he isn't into me. It explains too much.
Yet, it is perfectly beautiful.
I think he and this woman are having a little tiny hiccup, so I'll pray again. I can't say how I know what I know because it crosses over the non-ya business line.
Maybe she's the one for him.
The only bizarre thing about this is the candle.
Generally speaking, when one is trying to send a love interest to the person meant for him because he claims to want a lifelong partnership, the candle wick tends to split in two while he's considering the option presented to him.
The wick will literally break and you will see two flames burning inside of the glass at the same time.
That didn't happen this time.
I only thought I saw two flames but upon closer inspection, one was the reflection of the original flame on the glass.
How do I know about the wick splitting in two?
I've done the ritual before.
I did it for Thomas right before Steve came into my life.
I don't know if it worked. Thomas would never tell me if he found another. He'd just disappear and give me and everyone else the silent treatment while he takes his new lady love into his secret lair. He disappeared, so I assume it worked. I don't know.
The weird thing is the fortune cookie that was posted onto my Facebook wall this morning.
Today, Siegfred, we believe God wants you to know that ...
love has already found you.
Love was found....then was lost.
Hey, such is the stuff of life when you're trying to leave a narcissist/borderline man that won't let go.
I don't know what to think. I do know that I'm no longer worried about breaking Steve's heart.
Life is good.....
At least the Gods love me.
Now, I just have to pray that my feelings start falling away.
I miss my friend.
I want him to be happy. If he's happy, it's all good.
Today is going to be a crappy day.
I can feel it.
My ex promised the kids that he'd take them to my hometown tonight. They are under the impression that I am going with them.
I hate the public square where they are going to be showing a movie tonight. This is where I'm supposed to go.
Why do I hate that square?
It is the place I fell in love with Thomas in 1986.
It is the place where he always visits me when he comes to town.
It is the place I tried to push him in a cold fountain when he...uh....was happy to see me in 2008.
It is the place the stalker followed us from in 2011.
It is the place I decided to let Thomas go in 1987. He left me. I didn't fight. I think he expected me to fight for our relationship. I'm not good at games. I'm fairly straight-forward. If you tell me you want me to go away, I will. I did.
I was offered a music scholarship to a college in a town eight hours away from the city. Thomas found out and left me. I didn't take the offer because I wanted to stay in town to be with my Grandfather who was diagnosed with cancer. Two decades later, I would discover that Tom left me so I would go to college. I never knew.
That spring day in 1987, I just let him go. Twenty-six years later, I think he's still upset about that.
I hate that public square in my home town. It hurts to go there. I think my ex likes watching me cry. He tends to smirk at me when I'm sad.
I don't want to go tonight. The very thought of spending the evening there makes my stomach churn and the vomit rise.
I probably should stay home but I probably should go because promises to the children were made.
Today is going to be a painful day but I know it will get better.
One of these days I'm going to have to stop doing the things my ex tells me to do. We're supposed to sign the divorce agreement on Tuesday (unless something crazy happens). So, perhaps it is time to take control of what I need.
I just want everyone to be happy, including me.
I just want the pain to stop.
May your love be found and never leave you.
Love ya,
S.
Edit a few hours later: Woo Hoo!!
My best friendship with Steve is through!!!
I'm far too dumb for him.
My heart is dumb, too.
Perhaps it's better not to love.
Or maybe I could learn to hide it better.
I couldn't stop being sick, so I ended up staying home alone. I didn't go to my hometown to cry in the public square.
The last thing I need right now is to deal with remnants of love gone awry.
I guess life is good.
Things will end up the way they are meant to be.
Cheerio!
S.