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Awkwardness

Today I am thankful for recognizing the awkwardness of my marital status. 
 


Conversation with another parent at the local school while picking up the kids:

"How are you and Mike doing?" 

"We're getting divorced.  It should be final next month." 

"Oh".  He pauses.  We talk for a little bit about the kids and life.  Then he looks into my eyes and asks  "Do you want to go get dinner sometime?"

"I've met someone." 

He looks at me in stunned silence, like I'm a slut or something. 

Okay, then....I'm going to tell everyone that I am married until I'm divorced.   What is going on?  I gave the ring back twelve years ago. 

Why is it such a big issue now? 

Maybe it is my body language?  The way I dress?  Or is it just the general glow that I have because I am incredibly happy?  I don't know.  I do feel different. 

Conversation with salesman at the neighborhood liquor store:

"Can I help you?"

"Please, I've been asked to pick out a wedding gift but the wine they asked for is incredibly cheap.  I don't want to buy them a case or I'll look I'm calling the bride a lush." 

"Who is it for, my dear?" 

"Well"....I stammer...."my....my.... husband's boss. I don't want to be cheap and don't want to call anyone an alcoholic." 

 He helps me pick out two higher end bottles of wine.  He looks at me, takes a breath and asks "your husband's boss?"


"Yes."

I'll be incredibly embarrassed if he is someone that knows me, my ex or my friend. 

So....this is place where I find myself is incredibly weird and awkward.  I haven't ever dated, really.  I've had three relationships in my life and each one began shortly after the preceding one ended.

I've never had the lull before. There has been a lull here but I haven't been available to date pending the exit of this relationship.  

How else does one signal unavailability? 

I'll figure it out. 

I avoid eye contact with everyone. 

The last time I looked in some one's eyes for more than a few seconds, I started to fall in love. 

If I look at those blue eyes again for more than a few moments, I fear I'll lose my dress. 

So....

What to do? 

It's good to be introverted. 

I'll keep to myself for awhile and people will understand why. 

Love ya,

S.



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