Today I am thankful for the realization that trying to understand disordered thinking will drive me crazy.
I can't understand it.
All I can do is get as far away from it as possible.
Okay....okay....
it actually gets worse...
But the Code Enforcement guy made it better.
The Code Enforcement guy called because I was freaking out that someone complained about debris on the back porch. I thought it may have been the idiot who broke my lock.
He wanted to go into the system and hunt for the original complaint so he could read it to me. He said that he had begun to add that phrase to all of his citations just so people would know to clean up their back yards.
The complaint was gone.
It was not in the computer at all.
That is weird!
I know this man.
He's got the memory of a hawk.
He said it was an internet complaint.
An open records request may reveal the IP address of the complainant.
It wasn't a neighbor.
Their yards are far worse.
Hmmmmmm........
I'm no longer freaking out.
The back door lock was broken but that was unrelated to the Code Enforcement complaint.
After that call, my ex and I started talking.
His sister is angry at me because I did not buy her cousin a house when I was 22 years old.
Oh.....okay.
Then he went on about how his mother and sister blame me for him going no contact with them.
They are trying to run me off thinking that he will come back into the fold.
He said that he has to divorce me to keep me safe.
He has to give me full custody of the girls to keep them safe.
He wants to go off on his own and hide for my safety.
So, all the stalking....
all the lying.....
all the harassment....
is to give him an excuse to sign the papers!!!
Okay......it's a win-win.
Sigh...
Saturday would have been our anniversary. We haven't celebrated it in years. He kicked me out of bed a few days after our 12th anniversary.
I'm thankful that a close friend is going to keep me out of the house on a very emotional day.
I can't understand what is going on.
I can't understand why someone would complain about my purple flowers and have the city ask me to mow them down. I can't imagine why someone would ask the city to force me to mow down an oak tree sprout.
There was a complaint about debris that turned out to be some type of cloth (maybe another pair of bloody underwear left for me). I didn't inspect it so I don't know what it was.
Maybe some idiot wanted me to find it?
Maybe the stalker was upset I didn't run around freaking out about the cloth?
I freaked out when I found the bloody underwear last fall. I tried to make a joke of it but deep down inside it freaks me out that someone would smooth out a pair of underwear on top of my trash can. They were my size (seven) but a style or brand that I would never wear.
My sister-in-law is like......a size 3X. They were not hers!! My neighbors are tiny (extra small perfect physique kinda jealous making tiny). They did not belong to them either.
An animal did not drag them from another yard!
No way!!
I don't know.
This is weird.
That's all the debris that was found in the yard (a piece of cloth).
Next time, I'm getting written approval to keep my oak tree sprout. It was ten feet from the street (as per the code). I ran for the highest political office in this city; I KNOW the code like the back of my hand.
I'm also Pagan. Many things they call weeds..... I call medicine. I need my thistle so I can made tea that keeps me from fighting tax hikes.
It was mowed it down.
I'm mean now!!!
Ugh!!!
What I keep ruminating over is my sister-in-law Shannon going to my college and hassling the professors and academic advisers. I went to a Jesuit school, she even hassled the priests by trying to spread malicious gossip. Interfering with a marriage is not something many holy men take kindly to.
What kind of person barges into a stranger's office to complain about another person's religion?
What kind of person tries to break into a house?
I don't understand it.
I want to understand it.
I can't.
I've been lied to so much that I am beginning to think that this house is a portal to some crazy world where reality is akin to something one would find in a very bad dream.
I can't handle it.
I guess what I really want to know is .....am I safe?
Can I get another job?
Can I rent another office?
Can my children walk home from school without having their finger on the police dispatch number programmed in their cell phones?
I am literally terrified.
My neighbors are being helpful.
I am looking for another car. I found a Ford Escort in need of a new Head Gasket for sale at a mechanic's shop. I've had one Ford Escort and one Mercury Lynx before. They had that problem. If I can fix the issue and make sure the rear seal is okay, all I have to do is make sure the oil is topped off and I can get some life out of that car. It'll cost me about $2,000 to buy it and fix it.
I bought one in 1990 for $1,600. The head gasket cracked and I put in a new engine. That thing ran for ten years. I gave it to a single mother. She had it for three years and gave it to a single father. Five years later, that car was still going strong.
I'm seriously thinking about taking that car off of the mechanic's hands. He said he'd give it to me for the cost of repairs.
Life is looking up.
Still.....
What do I do about the craziness?
When will it be over?
I wish I knew.
Maybe there are things so crazy that people cannot make sense of them.
Maybe there are some things so crazy that all one can truly do is run away and NEVER look back.
If I keep this house, I'm going to take up gardening and cooking. I've got a great idea about growing purple sage and thyme in a border around the front yard. Perhaps my neighbors can cook with it, too.
The rosemary and basil I used to grow were popular.
Just don't hang the yarrow on the front of your bed, unless you want to stay married for seven years.
Love ya,
S.