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On Leaving and Recognizing Craziness

Today I am thankful that I'm learning to recognize craziness.  


I'm trying to get all the documentation to the courthouse.  

The printer is not working, so my ex's legal stuff isn't printing out.  

Mine did.  

That's weird. 

So....we haven't struck the parenting agreement.  

I'm trying to talk him into 50/50 custody.  

He doesn't want any part of it.  

I'm trying to talk him into keeping the house because I can't afford it.  

Nope, he says that I need the house.  

Why?  

He wants to keep me safe.  

His sister has been known to try to break into this house for reasons unknown to me.  She's been caught on camera and I don't quite understand why she's doing this.  

The cops say my ex is putting his sister up to it.  

I don't know.  

He claims that by playing martyr, not seeing his kids, while giving me the house and all of its contents will somehow keep the kids and I safe from his sister.  

Uh....okay.  

I wish I could understand his rationale.  

Sigh....

He's as much of a stalker as she is.  

Here's the deal.  

If his sister so much as comes around here again, I'm taking the video tape and the answering machine tapes to the courthouse and get myself and the children a permanent restraining order.   Once that is in place, my mother-in-law will be legally barred from seeing her grandchildren for a minimum of two years!!!  

Shannon had best not come here again!  

If I get that restraining order, Shannon would never pass another background check for a job again.  

She knows it!  

I'm trying to finalize the agreement.  

Did he want partial custody now?  

No, he said.  

Why?  

Well, he has a personality disorder, so he can't be near the kids.  

It seems more like a midlife crisis to me.  

There are character disorders that occur during times of stress.  The shrink said he had narcissistic personality disorder.  I don't know.  He quit therapy when he got the diagnosis.  

I do know that for some people, character disorders can be transitory.  He became strange when his mother started harassing me and his sister started stalking me.  For over thirteen years, he's been acting like a narcissist.  Maybe if he goes home to his mother, it'll stop.  

I don't know.  He needs to get his butt back into therapy and work it out.  

That doesn't mean he can't see his kids!  

What the heck is going on?  

Maybe I get the opposite of what he thinks I want.  

Okay.....Hmmmm.....that's a dangerous thing to know.  I don't want the nice sports car with the new engine, I don't want all the money, and I don't want the house.  

Actually, I'm not kidding.  I don't want everything.  I like sleeping.  

I guess I get to be a single parent with a MIA ex.  

So, here's to single parenthood.  

If he doesn't print off those forms and file them with the court before Wednesday, I won't be divorced anytime soon.  

Yeah.....I'm not happy.  

It's now been 7 years since I've been held by a man.  

Ugh....

I'm in love with my best friend and it's killing me that I can't touch him.  

So, this dragging the divorce out is hurting me.  

It wasn't bad until he told me he loved me.  When I thought it was unrequited, I could sleep at night.  Now, if I am lucky enough to sleep, I dream of HIM! 

This is weird.  

I always fall in love with the men who have scruples; it makes it hard not to grin when am thinking like a cat in heat.  

He reads me too well because he grins back!!!  

It won't be so bad, if he finds someone else because at least I'd know that it would be impossible.  

I don't want anybody else.  

Yeah..... 

I had a guy call me sexy and desirable today.  

I don't believe him.  

He's upset with me because it's obvious I don't believe him.  

It's not that I don't believe him, I think my sadness is because he is NOT the man I want to hear it from.  

I'm having trouble seeing any one ever being interested in me.  

It's hard to believe anyone would want you when your ex is making up crap about his baby sister stalking you so he can get away.  

I must suck on some level.  

If I suck, why would I let my best friend near me? 

I may take my friend's advice and take relationship communication classes.  Maybe that'll break whatever it is that is keeping me from even trying.  

I should've known he loved me when he asked me to take communication classes with him.  Damn....that was over a year ago.  I am so flippin' slow.  

I'm off to cry again. 

 I can't handle the pain.  

Love ya, 

S.  



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