Frustration

Today I am thankful that I have reached such a high point of frustration that I simply don't care anymore.

 



So, my ex wants to live with me until the divorce is final. 

 

 

I want to have a job before finalizing the divorce as to minimize his alimony. 

 

 

He's been messing around with the cars. 

 

 

I was given an opportunity for free job training. 

 

 

The very next day his car disappeared.  He swears up and down that he blew the engine and that it is in a friend's garage. 

 

 

That was six weeks ago! 

 

It's a newer car.  We bought it for him last year right as I planned to file for a divorce and right before he told me that he hid our money, was jealous of Thomas, and did things to force me to stay with him (like wreck my credit).  I was so flippin' pissed off!  

 

That was the day I knew he had his sister stalk me because I went to lunch with Thomas!

 

He said he wanted a divorce in '07 and then he lost his job.  He promised I could file the minute he found work.  That was last year right after the stalking picked up and I lost my office. 

 

I trusted him.  He lied to me and screwed me over.  I don't know why I believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. 

 

I am still heartbroken over his behavior.  I thought we could be friends but I don't trust this man farther than I can throw his 500 pound frame! 

 

Every day, he'll tell me that his car will be back in a couple of days. 

 

It never is here. 

 

I thought we could work together to share my decrepit mini-van with 180,000 miles on it and shaky undercarriage. 

 

That almost works. 

 

There will be days when I wake up to find it gone. 

 

I gave up the job training opportunity because I can't promise to get there.  The bus ride is 2 1/2 hours long, partly because the job center is a mile away from any bus stop.

 

It is a twenty minute ride via car.

 

I sent in my resignation on Monday so someone else can have the opportunity. 

 

I was sure I could have my car back my now. 

 

Nope...yesterday his friend called to tell me that he's having trouble with the car.  He referred to me as Mike's wife. 

 

I told him that I don't answer to that phrase any more. 

 

When he asked me if I were his wife, I told him that I didn't know how to answer that question. 

 

When he asked me how to get  a hold of Mike, I told him the truth.  I do not know.  I don't know his work number.  I don't know how to call him. 

 

I am NOT his wife. 

 

Sigh....

 

Today his mechanic friend calls to set a boundary, he'll get the car done when he has time. 

 

Who is in the heck goes through a divorce and borrows his ex's car? 

 

I understand he needs it....the bus ride is four hours for him. 

 

But really? 

 

Why can't he just hire a professional to do the repairs??

 

Why can't he stay with a friend who lives near his place of employment?

 

Worse, he leaves horrible messes for me in the kitchen. 

 

He runs my art printer out of ink and never refills it. 

 

He leaves dental floss all over everything!! 

 

I guess I should be happy he flosses.... but really?

 

It's yucky to find it all over the floor!!! 

 

I let him use a leather chair I bought for my office. 

 

It has a poo mark on it now.  I spent a good hour trying to clean that! 

 

It looks clean -but- I doubt it really is!

 

He must sit in the chair naked when he watches porn!

 

I hope he takes that chair with him!!! 

 

((((Shudder)))

 

He's the crappiest roomie in the world. 

 

I am about ready to throw in the towel on the divorce. 

 

Maybe it isn't enough to give up my job training opportunity. 

 

Watch....he probably wants me to call off the divorce. 

 

Maybe I'll get my car back once I do that!! 

 

Maybe I'll try to get that Escort over the weekend.  I don't get this guy.  He wants me to be with other guys (which won't happen because I fall in love with people who have scrupples).   So I can have my car when I go out with my male friend but not when I have a job interview. 

 

Maybe I can lie and say I'm dating some guy during business hours. 

 

I am a shitty liar. 

 

Really...I am not good at that at all. 

 

He would probably see through that. 

 

It's worth a shot!! 

 

The 24th can't get here fast enough. 

 

I bet the judge is going to get upset with me for not working!!

 

I can't figure out how to do everything when put in this situation!

 

I'm so pissed off right now. 

 

I don't care anymore.  I don't love him.  I haven't had sex with him in years.  I'll never touch him again.  What is the worst thing that can happen if I let him stay? 

 

I'd lose a friend I love but other than that, what could possibly go wrong?   

My heart might stop but I can't be me around my friend when I am this uptight and frustrated. 

Maybe the Gods don't want us together!! 

I don't know. 

I am sad. 

I am hurt. 

I am incredibly frustrated. 

 

I am realizing that my ex is not going to let me go.

 

That's what the stalking is about! 

 

So, I'm about ready to run off and hide from him. 

 

Maybe I can stay married but go to Utah or someplace that he'd never try to find me. 

 

Yeah, maybe I'm going to have to change my name and move to another state to get away from him. 

 

I can't handle this anymore. 

 

He's causing me too much pain and grief. 

 

I am angry with Mike. 

 

I am angry with his sister. 

 

Some idiot has been trouncing around our back yard at 2:00 a.m.  I've heard it for about a week.  I run outside and hear footsteps.  Our motion lights come on but I never see the person. 

 

Our daughter caught the person this morning around 2:30 a.m.  She saw a figure in a white shirt hanging out by my rose bushes. 

 

I ordered a motion detector security camera for both yards today.  

 

I think the person was looking to rummage in the trash barrel.  I've been keeping it in the garage.  There is no car there, so I figure I can keep the stalker from message around our trash bin. 

 

I'm not happy....not at all. 

 

Mike and Shannon need to go home to their momma and let me solve my own problems.  I can't deal with their crap right now. 

 

If this doesn't stop, I'm going to adopt a mean old dog! 

 

That'll fix it. 

 

Love ya,

 

S. 

Edit An Hour Later:

So, I looked at my right hand and noticed a severe case of eczema.  I ran to the bathroom and noticed that I must've scratched off the the right side of my face. 

I have the exczema rash from hell. 

Eczema is made worse from stress and anxiety  

I haven't had an attack since 1991!!! 

I guess I can't afford to call of the divorce. 

Staying with him makes my skin crawl! 

We will see how it goes. 

Watch!!

My zombie skin will scare Steve off. 

Eczema is not the best looking skin condition in the world. 

I can't believe this is happening to me. 

damn...

Love ya!! 


S.