Revolting Narc Revelations

 

Today I am thankful for revolting narcissist revelations.

They tell me what they are up to doing. 

First, I'll start by saying that there was nothing to the letter from the elder law lawyer. 

It was a ruse. 

There was a will on file with the courthouse and it said what it was supposed to say;  "all property shall go to the surviving spouse."  Why my ex received a letter from a lawyer asking him to call pertaining to the will is beyond me.

This is funny to me because I do volunteer work for senior citizen advocacy groups and know a lot of lawyers.  Today I had to turn down a shot at volunteering for a senior law convention.  That's how I get my education, I volunteer and get paid admission to the classes in exchange for my work. 

Maybe I should go so I could have a nice little chat with the lawyer who sent the letter. 

I think it was a fishing expedition because the lawyer is known for her work getting visitation for grandparents.  My in-laws don't have a prayer of winning any kind of visitation of my kids.  Their only shot is to play nice with their son and stop stalking me. 

Always trust your gut. 

I told this to my ex. 

I asked him what he wanted and reminded him to always trust his gut. 

And he said....

get this...

"I saw a bug in a lamp in your bedroom."

"Pardon?" I asked.

"I saw a bug on a light."

"An insect?"

"No."  he said.  His head was down, his eyes were looking at the floor. 

Upon further prompting, he indicated that he saw a listening device in the light overlooking my bed  in a dream he had the other day. 

I don't believe him. 

I'm about to rip apart my lamps. 

I hear beeping every day at 3:15 (both afternoon and early morning). 

I will be pissed if he's getting the sights and sounds of my prudishness on cameras on microphones. 

I did laugh at him. 

I asked him why anyone who knew me would bother bugging my bedroom because I won't screw in a bed.  All of the lights in the bedroom surround the bed. 

He continued to look at the floor.

He, of all people, should know better than that!!! 

Oooooh.....

I don't know where he would bug me to catch me cheating. 

My car? 

No...

My clothes? 

No....they'd disappear. 

Maybe my high heel shoes.....I like to wear those.   I own so many shoes that bugging them could become quite expensive. 

The bigger question would be when to bug me. 

I don't have a partner. 

I haven't seen a penis in seven years! 

Well, that's not true.  I saw one two years ago with a glow in the dark pumping sex toy affixed to it. 

I didn't linger. 

I think I'm going to be sick. 

I hope and pray no one has spy cameras in the basement.  No one needs the memory of that glowy yellow pumping sex today hanging off a 6'2", 500lb man.

No one....

If he hadn't hurt me, I may have taken pity on him and had a lollipop. 

Never mind....if he were nice....I'd still be his. 

*****

And, because this blog has become a stalking log of sorts, I did have a crazy thing happen today. 

It was before I had my caffeine, so it could have been my imagination. 

I volunteer at a high rise in downtown every Thursday.  They pay my parking in a fancy garage and my bosses are marketing experts.  I learn a lot from them.  I get the better end of the deal. 

I try to arrive ten minutes early.   

I was assaulted in this neighborhood when I was 17 years old.  The assailant was someone I knew, so it wasn't random.  Still, I am very protective of myself in the area.  I make sure the windows are rolled up.  I lock my car.  I park near an exit.  I always check the backseat when I get in my car.  I carry pepper spray. 

I probably should do these things anyway but, for some reason, I am more vigilant when I am in this particular area. 

When my four hours were up, I walked back to my car and noticed that my car was unlocked.  The windows were rolled down.  The lights in the cab were on. 

My garage door opener was still in it.  My car insurance information was still there.  My hats and shoes were still in the car.  One huge silver bracelet went missing.  A witchy friend sent it to me.  Allegedly it has 500 protection spells on it. 

Well....there obviously wasn't a spell on it to protect it from theft. 

I never told my ex where and when I volunteer.  Unless someone put a GPS device on my car, they would never know. 

I'm a little creeped out.  Maybe I rolled down the window and turned on the lights and unlocked the car.  I don't know. 

If it happens again, I'll call the cops -or- sell my car and get a new one. 



*****

Maybe my ex is messing with me so I give him my vehicle, the house, and custody of the kids. 

 

I'm nearly there. 

 

I mean, if I end up staying in this house like the separation agreement states.....whoever bugged my bedroom may get an earful of lustful sounds emanating from the walk in closet when I find occasion to bring a hottie home. 

 

****

 

I'm a bass player. 

 

One of the things I've heard since I was little was that bass players can't sing. 

 

That's not true.  I know several who are incredible singers. 

Then there are famous bass players who sing well; Paul McCartney, Getty Lee, and Sting (just to name a few).

 

I just can't sing.  That's probably because it is what I heard since I was little girl and my subconscious mind believes that bass players can't sing.  My mom wanted me to become a singer, so I probably use this as an excuse to continue to rebel.  It doesn't matter.  I don't make much money from music, so who cares? 

My harassers might. 

 

Should I ruin the ears of my harassers? 

 

Should I sing and make them rue the day they bugged my bedroom? 

I also have three saxophones with old pads. 

I have untreated asthma.

Ooooh....that C-melody could kill any one's taste for music!!!  I could play something from Glenn Miller flawlessly and it would still sound like a sick person blowing her nose! 

Maybe I'll do that! 

 

*****

 

Why would they bug my bedroom? 

 

I know....I know....they think I'm a witch with hundreds of Djinn.  

 

Yeah....that's gotta be it. 

 

They want the names of the Djinn, so they can control them. 

 

Okay....

sure thing.....let me give you some of the most important names you'll ever see in print.

 

We have John, Paul, George, Pete, Stuart...oh...and Ringo.  

 

We can't forget Ringo!!! 

 

Yeah...yeah...yeah....

 

I'm being honest, huh? 

 

Kinda...

 

not really. 

 

*****

 

This is insanity. 

 

If my ex wants the house, wouldn't it be much easier just to tell me?

 

If they keep spying on me, they are not going to like what they see.   

 

I'm not going to spend a decade alone!! 

I'm just going to get uglier as I age.

It's not going to be pretty to watch! 

Oooh....yeah at my age....men that want me... have to love me.  Unless they are blind -  but even then....man....my skin isn't as smooth as it once was. 

No one....and I mean no one...wants to see me naked...unless he or she is stupid. 

If my ex goes blind, I'll know he put a spy camera in my bedroom!!

If he goes deaf, it was a listening device.

Yeppers, that's how I'll know!!

Geez!!!

 

Love ya,

S.

P.S.  That's how you know the craziness has gone to far....it's the day I'm cracking jokes about being celibate, owning djinn, and not taking care of my antique saxophones. 

It IS insanity!