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Pagan Humor



Today I am thankful for Pagan humor; it's enough to scare the Christian boys away. 
 
 
 
Yes, I do have an altar set up to Dionysus.  As a former artist hoping to get her groove back, I want to give him his props. 
 
He's one of my favorite Greek Dieties. 
 
Just don't ask him for passion, unless you can handle it in large doses. 
 
He'll help you find it. 
 
Yeah...
if you wish for passion,
you'll get three of them....
all built like something out of a porn movie.
 
When they are done messing with you at the same time, they'll leave you to bleed out on the side of the road. 
 
I don't have the guts. 
 
I did ask once. 
 
He brought me two of them. 
 
At the same time. 
 
Actually, now that I think about it....he brought me three (the third one wanted me alone). 
 
They all resembled the one man I fantasized about during my meditation to Dionysus. 
 
This was during the phase where my crush shut me out of his life and hid. 
I never thought I'd see him again.
 
Yeah......
They all had the same hot bald heads.
Two were Leos, one was a Cancer. 
Two had blue eyes, one had brown eyes.
Two were Libertarian, one was a Democrat in Denial. 
Two were ten years older than my crush, one was five years older.
Two were shrinks, the other a published author in the psych/self-help industry. 
 
They were all taller than my crush. 
My crush is fun size...
like I am!!! 
I won't have to wear huge 5" platform heels to kiss him...
if he ever lets me!!! 
 
The simple, basic truth of the matter is that these men were NOT my crush.  
 
Uh....no....
 
Worse, one went to church with my relatives. 
 
Nope....never...nada...
 
not going there. 
 
ever....
 
I'd rather be alone...
 
chilling in my cold showers...

with my whine. 
 
Today.....
 
UGH!!!!
 
I realized that some men get off on arguing about their sisters stalking their exes. 
 
I really, really, think that is the case. . 
 
My ex in the basement, who for whatever reason, wants to talk about pie and my oral fixation.
 
I baked him a chocolate cake even though it was 97 degrees today.
No Pie for him!
 
How in the world do I end the relationship? 
It's morphed into this bizarre hatred where he shares the house and his perverted fantasy life....[censored]. 

Maybe he is telling me this stomach turning crap to help my diet!  Who knows?  I don't. 
 
How can you get intimate with someone who tells his baby sister to stand in as his proxy? 
 
I didn't know that he had her decide what he wanted for our wedding (that I paid for).  She decided what his favorite song was.  How bizarre is that?
I certainly didn't know that he asked her to fill in for him when it came to big marital decisions that he didn't tell me about. 
I recently realized that she was stalking me for him!
 
So, he and his sister are so enmeshed, she makes decisions for him!
 
Seriously? 
 
If I have sex with him, do I have to have sex with her? 
 
Damn....she once called to tell me that I married her!! 

I think I understand why now!!! 

Ewwww
 
I recently learned that she had all my passwords! 
She had our garage key codes. 
She had keys to our other houses; he won't admit to giving her a key to this one. 
 
I'm really scared. 
 
This is why I'm freaking out and wanting to leave. 
 
Divorce doesn't end things, does it? 
I'm gonna have to move out of state, huh? 
 
I don't know how to even think about having ex with the ex. 
There is supposed to be an 's'  in that sentence; I can't even get myself to type 'sex' with the 'ex' without a Freudian slip to verify that he is my ex with no sex. 

Wow...just....wow....
 
The last time I saw his package, it had some glow in the dark device attached to it. 
 
I made the mistake of going into the basement to fold the laundry after midnight. 
 
That was over a year or two ago. 
 
Sigh....
 
Boys will be boys. 

What does a guy do with a tube that has a pump attachment? 

Nevermind....I do NOT want to know. 

That glowing thing is probably my replacement. 

It is NONE of my business. 

Nope...nada...no..going...there....
 
(((shudder)))
 
Two days to go until court. 
 
I'll let ya know!
 
Love ya,
 
S. 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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