Warped Gratitude Blog

Shannon, stop hacking into my Facebook account! I know it's you.  You're in Westminster!  I get emails every time someone tries to get through.  I get to see the IP addresses.  It's YOU!  Stop it NOW! If you lock up my account one more time, I will take EVERYTHING from your brother and leave him destitute.  He took everything from me.  I'll just get what I can get back.  If he doesn't have a house, then he'll probably fight you for your mom's house when she dies.  Now, if he has a 2,000 square foot home in a nice part of town, he won't want the house they'll will to you. Really, Colorado law trumps wills.  Despite what Rhonda pulled with Stephanie, Mike won't let that happen to him.  What Rhonda did was illegal.  I've introduced Mike to many a good lawyer.  Do you want to take your chances? Let me take time to find a way to allow him to keep the house.  It'll take time and money.  I need my Facebook account to effect

  Today I am thankful for indigo henna. It was supposed to be a medium warm brown.  I'm trying to darken my hair from the orange hue I've had since using a new brand of relaxer.  Well...after I put the henna on my head, I noticed that it was blue.  I rinsed it out.  Long story short,  I have black hair now. I've had it all week.   I look weird.  Maybe I don't look weird.  Maybe I look exotic.  I have white, almost translucent, skin.  My black hair makes my green eyes pop! I wonder what I'd look like if I take tanning pills? I've got to try that.  This has been an eye opening experience.  I've learned a couple of things.  First, men do not stare at brunettes.  Men have not approached me in libraries and asked private information about my sex life.  I spent two hours at the library today doing research.  I was left completely alone!!  I actually got a lot of work done! Men do not ask brunettes for phone numbers.  The

&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">lt</span>;div style="text-align: left;">&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">nbsp</span>;&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">lt</span>;/div> Today I am thankful for head games.       I know it sounds mean but one thing that keeps me ahead of narcissistic in-laws, borderline former foster siblings, and nasty politicians is my propensity for messing with the minds of evil people.      Disordered and insecure people will hunt down information online rather than talk to you directly.   

  Today I am thankful for confirmation.   I know I'm being controlled by guilt and manipulation.  I'm not supposed to file for divorce because he doesn't want to be alone.   I get yelled at a lot.   It's my fault he weighs over 500 pounds.   It's my fault we haven't banged in years.   It's my fault that I'm not working.   It's my fault... crap... I lost count.   I know there is more.   I just forgot. He told me he says things like that to me because he wants to hurt someone.  Why in the world would someone act like that?  Geez! It's sale season.  His clothes are scary looking and ripping at the seams.  The local department store had men's jeans for $10 a pair.  They carry 54 x 30.  I took him shopping.  He bought five pairs of jeans and seven shirts.  Good for him.   As I'm walking with him, he's telling me that he's going to take my advice and get the bariatric surg

Today I am thankful for love, even though I don't have a clue what to do with it. I love someone. What do I do with it? I wish I could be completely honest, open, and tell him what is going on.   He knows something is bugging me.  I'm pretty sure he's figured out what happened because he'll send me links to songs which hint at wondering where a woman sleeps at night.  I sleep alone as I have for over six years.  I go to a house where I cohabit with my ex.  He lives in the basement.  I live on the third floor.  When I think I can move out, he'll want to move out and leave the kids alone.  When I think I should stay for the kids, he'll want to stay.  I need a judge to help me see what to do.  He likes to leave me when his family says stupid crap about me.  Next time, I'm changing the locks. I screwed up.  I let my ex come back.  It's not sexual.  It was supposed to be in friendship and I got screwed over.  My ex is taking baby steps. 

  Today I am thankful that I'm still breathing.  This was today's horoscope: Your Sun Sign: **** A long-standing legal battle, which may have been the source of a lot of worry and anxiety for you, will finally be concluded in your favour. You can finally get back to your normal routine now that this matter will cease to remain a distraction for you. It is time to move on in life, especially mentally and emotionally. That would be nice.  But....  I still haven't received the paperwork from the lawyer's office.  If I have to continually remind them to send it to me, I'm not going to do business with them.  I'd would suck if they forgot to file the divorce paperwork, or my separation agreement, or some major document necessary to get this over with.  If you are a lawyer, do not make a bad impression by allowing your paralegals to ignore paperwork requests.  I'm trying to pay him...in advance! I did a Google search for this lawy

  Today I am thankful for my spiritual guru.   My Shaman wants to know whether or not I opened up to my friend yet.   NO...I have not.   I can't hurt him.   Every time I visit with him, I realize that he is just like me in many ways.  We have similar spirituality.  We want to teach people to be free.   We are both incredibly introverted and have trouble in crowds.   We are introverted -but brave.  If there is something that needs to be said, we say it!  The main difference is that he sees the world in a rational manner; I see it in a experiential manner.   He's quantitative. I'm qualitative.   In that way, we are like two halves of a whole.   It just seems too perfect.   The more I learn, the more I understand why my heart chose him.  I just met him at the wrong time.  Or, maybe, I just realized I loved him at the wrong time.   I let my ex come back into the house with the promise he'd help me divorce without a big

  Today I am thankful that I know what is wrong with me! I am an empath.  I tend to take on the behaviors of people around me.  When I'm around politicians, I give speeches.  When I'm around party people, I party.  When I'm around life coaches, I'm impossibly peppy.  When I'm around my friend, I read too much philosophy.  When I'm around dysfunctional, violent, narcissists for long periods of time.....I can get to the point of acting like them, too!  That was a profound realization.  I don't think I get violent and weird.  The negativity makes me self-absorbed.  When they bully me, I tend to take them on a little too much (like running for an abusive moron's political seat).  So...maybe if I can manage to get away from this guy completely, I can find myself again.  I don't like myself when I'm self-absorbed.   I thought I could share the house with him.  I can't.  I can't tolerate his energy.  I cannot tolera

  Today I am thankful for 26 character long passwords containing of mostly symbols.   Someone tried to request a new password for my Facebook accounts twice in the past twenty-four hours.   I now have added a mechanism where no one can sign in unless they enter a code texted to my cell phone at the point of log-in.   I'm fairly sure this is Shannon.  Shannon is my ex's sister. She's the chick who tried to break into my house on my birthday.  The woman who stalks me with her boyfriend.  It's been going on forever.  She once called me to tell me I married her.  I think she's a little whacked.   I don't understand this at all.  I don't understand why she's doing it.  I'm a little ticked. Her boyfriend was the one following me around when I worked in a town 40 minutes away from the house.  The truck Shannon had when she tried to break into my house was registered to Doug.  Mike says they are trying to intimidate me into leaving

Today I am thankful for phones, even though certain men I adore refuse to use them.       I should correct that.  A certain man hates the phone.  It's an INTP thing.  My Grandfather, my auntie, and my middle daughter are all INTPs.   They hate to talk on the telephone.    Rather than call me,  he posts memes on Facebook.  I'm not sure they're about me but the last time I thought they were about someone else, they ended up being about me.     This time, I'll assume it's me and pray I don't make an ass out of us.    Today he posted this phrase:   "It's okay to feel."    Yeah, I know.    It's also okay to flee.    It's also okay to get your freak on.    It's okay to do whatever the heck you want to do so long as it isn't illegal, immoral, or fattening.    Ah, but I don't know him well enough to know what his morals are.    That's the problem.    I feel.    I feel too

  Today I am thankful for having a place to document the abuse. I was trying to speak to Mike to work out the details of the separation.  I want to know who lives where, when we should officially separate, and what we need to do before that happens.  He started off talking about how he didn't want me to work.  He told me that he didn't like the way other people treated me.  He didn't like them making me carry heavy boxes.  Then, I'd come home and have to carry heavy boxes.  I don't know.  The conversation turned to the fact he wants me to have a traditional job first before filing for a divorce.  I told him that I was afraid to hold a job when he lived with me.  He likes to meddle with my work.  He threatens to take spark plugs out of my car.  He yells at me when I talk to my boss and he recruits friends and family to harass me at work.  I've lost quite  few jobs due to his shit.  When I told him that I was terrified to hold a job he knew abou

  Today I am thankful for Voodoo dolls and Scorpio eclipses.         A politician threatened one of my friends working to recall her.      How mean should I get?      Do you know how I put a stop to the harassment I endured?      It's a little yucky.      I made a mixture of my piss and menstrual blood and threw it on the bully.    I'm not sure if the concoction has magickal qualities or not.  The person thought I was too damn crazy to tangle with again in the future.  Okay, that's a bit of an overstatement.  I made vitamin water and splashed my bully while practicing Latin.  I'm not above splashing piss on my stalker or his proxies, though.     I did another thing that was really obnoxious.  If you want to try it, tape the offender's picture inside your shoe.  The trick is to take your shoe off when she's sitting next to you so she can see the picture.    That'll freak her out.    People leave me alon

I'm not sure I'm thankful for pain.   Today is horrible.  I feel like I've been punched in the abdomen.  I can barely walk.  My right shoulder hurts.  My chest hurts.  My stomach hurts.  My right leg is throbbing.  I can't breathe.  I'm shaking.  I have chills.  I did visit my weight loss doc today, my blood pressure was normal.  My heart palpitations were non-existent.  I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.  It was very hard not to cry today. I finally have enough money to file for a divorce now.  I received the last dollar I needed yesterday.  If Mike honors the agreement he typed up for me, I can pay for the entire thing.  I tried to get to the lawyer's office to pay but didn't make it in time.  I'm afraid Mike will spend that money. Do you now why?  He's begging me to stay.  He's being too nice.  He's doing the dishes and offering to help around the house. We still sleep apart.  I really don't eve

Today I am thankful for an ex-boyfriend's Facebook posts about limerence.   He posted them a few years ago before I blocked him for making fun of me.  I don't want to know who the subject was.  I don't.  My friends and family say it is me.  I don't know.  He dated some hot chicks after we broke up.  Today I read a blog belonging to a stalker crying out for help.  He seems to have gotten it now but it all seems to be chalked down to a borderline obsession.  He blamed limerence.  His behavior put me in mind of Michael.  I did read some articles about activists and whistle blowers being harassed by local governments.  That could be what is going on now, too.  I don't know.  I don't care.  I'm trying to figure out the stalking crap, so I know what to do. I didn't live in this city in 1992 (so that was Michael).   There have been numerous crazy things I've endured from city employees since 2008 (that are probably due to Michael be

Today, yet again, I am thankful for my Shaman friend.   I'm a little spooked out..... but okay, I'll go with it. There are three men before me. I'm supposed to open up to one. That means that I must tell him what is going on. I don't even know.  I have a pretty good idea but I'm not sure. Maybe I should tell him.  I think he knows, too.  I mentioned that my stalker was my sister-in-law and he scoffed. Everyone does that!  Everyone is sure my ex is the stalker. Yes, I'm sure my ex has something to do with it but it is my sister-in-law's face that I keep seeing.  It is her Twitter account that brags about hanging out by my house, she was the one I caught trying to break into the house, and it is her fiance that harassed me in the street.  As far as I know, my stalker is my sister-in-law.   I was also told to run away from the two Scorpios. I must examine why one of them keeps coming back whenever he has a personal crisis yet is never the