Today I am thankful for omens & lessons.
I've been having frightening dreams about getting murdered.
Someone called me today claiming that they're worried that I'm going to get killed. A psychic friend of mine told me that she had a vision of a news story about my being shot in my home. She doesn't know what is going on.
That would be funny, wouldn't it? A Libertarian Constitutionalist who doesn't own a gun getting shot in her own home. If that happened, at least I wouldn't be alive to see the story. On a better note, I won't be the one to clean up the mess!!
I'm being told that I have to get the heck out of here....NOW!! I feel that way. The lawyers are warning me. The cops are warning me. Now...the psychics. Geez!!
The stalking crap scares me.
My activist friends say the cops are stalking me.
The cops say my ex is stalking me.
My ex says his sister is stalking me.
I've caught one at least one cop doing unethical things on our property. I know he was a cop in this jurisdiction because our city councilman thought it was cute not to paint their cars in an effort to get the voters to pony up more dough. His patrol car badly needed a paint job.
My ex was caught stalking me at school. On a side note, I did call the local battered women's shelter who promised to call me back. They don't return calls. So, if I get shot and they turn around and use my case to ask for more dough for mental health/battered women services, I want someone to look into my phone records. Don't give them more money until they shape up. They turned their backs on me.
His sister and cousin have turned up in unexpected places. She's always admitted to stalking me in the past. Two weeks ago I learned that her fiance was the one that harassed me when I was at lunch with my old friend and scared the heck out of the people in my office. I was also told that she spoke about tracking people with gps and is trying to convert people to religion (which may explain the weird religious stuff on my doorstep). Yeah, she owns a gun and has menaced people associated with me in the past with her pistol.
I don't know what to think. I am confused as hell. I am losing my patience.
I thought we were getting divorced. There's always an excuse to keep me here.
I'm in one of those places where I'm stuck. I'm working on getting out in a manner that won't get me or anyone else bumped.
We've been apart for years. He promised to divorce me once he got a job. He promised to divorce me once our legal stuff is over (which will be mid-March).
Then he threatened suicide. He's in therapy now.
Last night he spoke about his desire to stop payment on the mortgage and let the bank take our house. This is incredibly stupid as we have at least $45,000 in equity in the house because that is what I put down on it twelve years ago! I also got us a killer interest rate, so our payment is less than the cost of an apartment. He could easily rent this house out and have it paid off in a decade using the renter's money! This man is not thinking. I am worried that he truly has given up.
Men who threaten to kill themselves are the kind of guys who end up taking everyone out all at once. If they don't care to live, they may take you with them.
My only hope is getting him a new love and sneaking out.
So...
I'm praying he finds my replacement.
I had four glorious years when he left me alone. We were separated, so to speak. I did so much!! I started a business. I ran for office. I was published!! I met rock stars! It was nice!!
Then...I started to fall for someone. I told my ex that I needed to go. He told me to leave. He saw the look in my eyes; he knows I want someone else.
Then, despite his words, he started wearing his wedding band for the first time in over a decade. I saw it yesterday.
I've been giving the matching diamond jewelry he gave me in my youth to our daughter.
Isn't that what one does when it is over?
Now, we still share the same house but not a room. We don't share intimacies. It's been this way for years. He first left me in December of 1999, after his mother spread gossip about me. Our relationship has never been the same. He comes and goes. He leaves, has no where to go, comes back and promises me that he'll cooperate.
He says one thing. He does another. Talk about mixed messages!
I don't have a clue what to do.
I've been making myself sick over it!
I've been praying for an answer.
You know what?
I thinksome of my prayers have been answered!!
Yep...
Of all of this, the thing that makes me cry is that my friend is at home, alone, waiting for me.
I think the universe solved that problem.
I believe that my love interest has found someone who is available for him!!!
He left the most suggestive Facebook post on his wall for her. I was going to make a snarky comment on his Einstein energy rant but when I saw that, I thought better of it. I don't want to scare his new lady off.
This is cool....
My crush has another love interest!!!
I love him. He has a shot at being happy now!
This is really good news.
I've learned something today.
My lesson with this is that things always work out as they need to. Perhaps I needed to stay here so I didn't waste my friend's time and keep him from someone better.
If I weren't here. I would have been very bad.....in a good way.
He may have missed out on something great with someone else.
Hopefully, I still get the occasional physics lesson. Today, I'm going through a website that I barely understand trying to get something he wrote was as impossible as stretching unicorns. Stretching unicorns sounds incredibly painful.
It actually hurts to read that. I have no clue how to respond without sounding like a pervert or giving the wrong impression to someone who may actually be in a position to...uh...[censored].
I'll stay quiet for now.
I still need to leave this house -but- at least I won't fear getting anyone else put in the line of fire.
I love my friend. I adore the way he talks about his family. I'm relieved that they won't be near my drama.
I can take a little more time to get the heck out of here without fear of hurting anyone.
Love ya,
S.
Edit 2/1/13
Well....that's weird. I had to look at his wall again because I'm beginning to wonder if the comment was aimed at me.
I had to think about it a little bit. He posted it within minutes of a conversation we had about trust and sex.
A woman hasn't responded....
He'd tell me if it were about me, wouldn't he?
I'd best stay silent, just in case.
If that would be about me, that wouldn't be wise. The situation would be akin to offering a steak to a dog that hasn't had anything to eat for six years.
It could be dangerous. It could be boring.
I don't know.
There are prettier ladies out there.
He was asking a question about how women communicate their desire to copulate. He was wondering if respect for a man = having the desire to jump him.
Not necessarily. Respect means respect.
Respect does not equal the desire to bump and grind. For example, I respect politicians but refuse to do anything that will risk the survival of their DNA. There are some things I do not want to live into perpetuity.
On the other hand, trust means you've passed a test. Accepting her completely is another test. Read this carefully...you have to give her at least seven hours of one on one face time in order for her to get hormonally ready do have sex with you. If you don't want her to regret being with you, she has to get used to you to be with you the first time.
You could take her for a hike, a bike ride, watch a mini-series with her.....whatever. The sweatier the better for you. Your sweat will help her get used to the idea of physical activity with you.
The seven hours is cumulative, so you don't have to take up your whole day and wear yourself out before....you know.
I hope I'm helping.
If I'm not the lady, I promise not to get jealous.
Speaking of jealousy, I may have an out.
I think I have a solution to the other issue. That bankruptcy judge is brilliant. I think he gave me an out. Every dollar is documented. The judge is going to take possession of the tax refund, so that money won't be available for guns or what-not. Maybe a divorce judge can intercept it for division should the creditors not take it. This has just gotten a little bit easier to deal with.
I'll let you know.
Love,
S.