Today I am thankful for eureka moments.
I have a friend trying to teach me non-violent communication.
I worship Ares.
It's not going very well.
I'm working on it.
Another friend, with the same name, uses it in his legal practice. He's offering to solve my problem for me by sitting down with my stalkers to find out what need they have isn't being met.
I don't care anymore. I'm terrified.
I spent several hours on the phone with cops and victim advocates yesterday.
The first person told me to go out of town.
The second advocate told me to go to a shelter but when I told her this had been going on for a 21 years she had me call an expert.
The expert told me to stay here.
If I have found gps boxes on my vehicle in the past, there is a chance a new one is there. Going out of town would put me and others in more danger as they would find me in an area I didn't know well.
She also said that the man in the basement is behind it. If I am not here, he'll get very pissed off and call on his proxies to amp up the harassment.
She gave me a lot of safety tips.
Then she asked me what happened this week to make my ex insecure. I contacted a divorce attorney to make our split official. I've done this a lot over the past seven years. Every time I do that, I get stalked.
That IS why his sister is harassing me this time.
It's my move. Every time I try to make the split official or say I don't want him (including when I was working on exiting another relationship 21 years ago and wasn't interested in men) one of Mike's relatives starts harassing me.
Every flippin' time I do something independent of him, his sister or cousin come after me.
He put his sister up to it.
This time I've been trying to use non-violent communication. My two friends with the same name are both heavily into it.
Both of my friends called me yesterday wanting to know what is going on. I really have no clue other than my sister-in-law tried to get into the house and is Face-booking about hanging out around my house. There was something about her swearing up and down that she's never been in this side of town.
I don't know.....someone is playing games.
My friends want me to use my heart to try to get to a win-win.
So I asked...
Mike, what need isn't getting met?
After six hours, his ego admits that he expects me to stay here because divorce would be embarrassing for him.
Mike, what does Shannon want?
He doesn't know.
In recent months, Shannon tried to break into the house. She had her boyfriend harass me at work and on the street. She's bragging about driving forty-five miles out of her way to visit a gym down the street even though there are three near her home. I used to do secret shops for this chain and report to corporate what I saw during my visits to their gyms: I know that there are nineteen facilities between her home and mine.
Why is Shannon doing this?
He doesn't know.
Somewhere between 1:00 and 1:30 am., after admitting to stealing more money out of the retirement accounts and hiding a second retirement account, he admits something to me I didn't know.
His mother has been calling here, in tears, asking for him to move in with her. Shannon still sleeps at their mother's house but is planning on moving. His mother lost her spouse three weeks ago as he passed away from lung cancer. She's lonely.
My ex won't talk to her except to yell. Yelling is how they deal with problems. They talk like crazy people. I don't speak crazy.
I can't make him visit.
Maybe Shannon is trying to get our attention on behalf of their mother?
Oh, and it doesn't help that Shannon had our email passwords and code to get into the house through the garage.
It's getting harder and harder to believe that Mike isn't behind all the stalking. He spent Valentine's day on the phone with his sister. He may be putting them up to this.
I'm thinking that I'm being punished for trying to make the split legal (yet again). In the past, I would stop the process at the first hint of stalking and hang on to the paperwork.
This time.....
I can't reward bad behavior.
This marriage has been incredibly expensive for me. I can't take it anymore.
Love ya,
S.
Edit 11:21 a.m.
I haven't been to facebook for 24 hours. One of my therapist buddies is really freaking out as a friend of his was murdered for trying to be nice to an ex that would not let go.
He sent me an email and told me to stop taking pity on the jerk.
He's right. I am staying here out of pity...not fear. The man threatened to kill himself. He says he has nothing to live for.
Other therapists would say that he is threatening to take me out with him. I've never heard him say that.
Why can't he find some chick to get him laid?
I haven't been with him in years. Maybe he needs a lady friend to take the edge off?
Help?
I really want to take my lawmaker buddies to task for this. They keep stretching out the waiting period for divorce. This is what happens when you do that. You give the creepies more time to harass you into staying.
It's not right.
I'm heading out to look for a place to live.
Pray for me.