Never Ending Excuses

Today I am thankful that I caught on to the never-ending excuses.

Now....

I'm being told that after the bankruptcy completes on March 15th, I have to wait to file for a divorce because he's going to get a government backed home improvement loan so that he can fix up the house.

Uh...NO!!!

First, I'm a Libertarian. The taxpayers should not be responsible for paying the interest on my gutter repair project.

Secondly....

I've waited over six years to get away....

No more delays...

No more crap....

I'm tired.

I spent my sexual peak being celibate.

I lost out!

I don't want to be here anymore.

And, now, I'm beginning to think that my staying is hurting someone else.

I think I've fallen in love with another man after being alone for years.

I won't hurt him.

This guy is a lot like me...it's actually kind of cute.

Other people notice me hanging out with him and they've made comments about it.

They think he's my boyfriend.

Oh, no....this isn't good.

I want to get away so I can sort out my feelings.

Do you know what my ex said?

He told me that he released me from my vows years ago, so I can go off and screw other people.

He doesn't want to divorce.

He just wants me to screw other men.

Uh.....

Now....

my ex is stalking me and blaming it on his sister. She may be stalking me but if she is, he put her up to it.

Why does he want me to screw other people?

Does he want a show?

Is the stalker going to film it?

Maybe he wants a threesome....he could be into that kind of thing.

I don't think I have many friends willing to do that....with a guy.

Maybe another woman....but a guy...not so much.

What the hell?

I explained to him that society has rituals and that it is customary to get a divorce decree so that the new partner doesn't look so dodgy.

Maybe if I could find a job that paid more than my ex makes...

and float the thought of alimony in front of him...

maybe he'd let me go?

I don't understand this guy.

I really don't.

I don't know if I'm in danger.

He is screaming at me over shit his mother did before I met him.

My voice is gone because I had to get him to shut up. I had to shout over him.

I hate this house.

I hate holidays.

I hate my ex (which isn't healthy because I'm supposed to respect him).

There is something weird here.

I don't feel safe at all.

I can't pinpoint why.

My friend said to wish for the very best for everyone involved.

I'm doing that.

Maybe my friend has a hotter date!!

Love,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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