Today I am thankful for natural selection.
Yeah....
I'm disappointed.
You can be hotter than the sun,
you can make me feel all sorts of heat
but
if you're not very smart,
I can't touch you.
I just can't.....
risk..
it...
If I have an accident,
I don't want to raise a kid that learns to walk into walls
or play in traffic
or votes Democrat
or something.
I'm sad.
I don't want to write too much about it.
One of the pre-requisites I have for mating is that my partner have the ability to think his way out of a box.
I'm hoping he's just having a bad day....
scratch that...
a bad week...
or two.
Sniff....
I guess I can tell you how to tell the wanna be's from the real performers.
The people who do what they say they do....
they have stories.
The wanna be's and the fakers...
don't.
Sigh......
I hurt.
I realized today that I'd rather be married to a 500 pound stalker guy with a brain,
even if it means that I'll never have sex again or be alone long enough to touch myself....
than have hot sex with a guy I don't know how to have an intelligent conversation with.
Sigh....
I'll just focus on politics,
avoiding my stalker,
and making enough money to finalize my divorce without needing alimony.
I miss sex.
He's hot.
But...he plays too many games.
He may even be pretending to be crazy to turn me off.
Sigh....
I'm off to cry in my own bed,
all alone,
in peace.
Sigh....
No matter how crazy my friend behaves,
I still love him.
Maybe it's not meant to be.
Love,
S.
Edit 12:17 p.m.
I had an errand to run at 6:00 a.m. I was exhausted when I came home and fell asleep for a couple of hours. I'm not dreaming of Thomas now. I'm dreaming of the guy that is pretending to be someone he isn't.
They're hot dreams.
My friend has this sweet, sensual, and sexy energy about him. It's not something I've ever come across before. Most guys are always in a hurry. This one bides his time.
It's not like he's not aggressive, he is.
He just doesn't rush every little thing. He revels in the moment. That is what makes it hot.
It's a shame when men don't see that what they are naturally is hotter than pretending to be someone else. People don't fall in love with you for pretending to be something that you're not. It's impossible to keep up a steady facade. It's those moments when you let your guard down that she gets hooked.
It was that moment when he got silly and started whispering that got me the first time.
There was a day when I saw him sitting on a commuter train; I caught him staring at my ass through the window.
He doesn't know I saw that.
Those are the moments that mean something.
I'm not fond of him when he pretends to be Michael Savage's alter ego who doesn't have a clue.
He just needs to be....himself.
Besides, he's not going to fool me at all. He can make commentary about politics all he wants but if he's never been in the game, he doesn't have a clue.
Sigh....
Edit 11:04 p.m.
I've been sick all day. I can't eat. I keep falling asleep and the dreams are bizarre.
Some of them are too hot to blog.
I miss fellatio. I don't know why I'd dream of doing that on a vinyl tiled kitchen floor by a refrigerator
I'm a little OCD and that seems a little unsanitary but maybe he didn't have anything else to offer me.
I don't know.
More than that, I really want to put my hand on my friend's heart and ask who the hell hurt him to the point he's masking the person he is from the world.
I want him to remember who he is and let go of what that person said and did to him.
I bet it was a chick.
I want to make him forget her.
It's the insecurity that destroys his boldness.
If he'd just be himself, he could change the world.
I can see it.
He's changed mine.
I'm doing what he told me to do.
I'm praying Michael gets what he wants.
I took it two steps further.
I asked the coven to do the same.
I saw a hypnotist buddy of mine last week to envision everyone getting what they need in thirty days. It was neat. I had a vision where I discovered a cave by the seashore and my friend led me inside and we found everything we needed to teach people how to trust themselves and learn to communicate.
Now, I'm dreaming about his kiddo and mine going into places and finding everything they need.
It's weird.
I'm sicker than a dog but more positive than ever.
Michael is actually telling me that he'll sign the divorce papers once I find someone to type them up and file them. He said that he sees the way I look when I talk to my friend online and he knows he doesn't have a chance with me anymore.
Wow....just wow.
Michael also went to the police to talk about his sister and her fiance stalking me.
That's a wow...too.
Maybe he's not behind it, huh? I don't know.
Maybe things will get better for everyone.
It's amazing what love will do.
Yeah, it's crazy...
but it doesn't matter how dorky my friend gets. That's not who he is. I see past it.
No matter what I say, I can't help but love him.
I miss him.
I haven't seen him since October. I betcha he forgot what I looked like. Maybe he'll stop loving me when he remembers that I am old and wrinkled.
On the bright side, maybe Steve will get what he needs in the next few weeks, too.
It's all good.
Love ya,
S.