Today I am thankful that I finally realize that I'm a hypnocrite.
Yep....
I hypnotize people all the time to let go of sexual guilt, to be free, to follow their hearts, and not give a hairy rats ass what anyone else thinks.
Over the past year, I realized that love is something that I am really having a tough time dealing with.
Yet, I'm stuck here with some guy who can't throw anything out.
I'm not kidding.
I think he's got gum wrappers I tried to throw away in 1992.
That's why he cries when I try to leave.
He doesn't want to throw me out.
The marriage has been dead since the turn of the century but when I try to leave he starts to cry.
I hate it when he cries.
We had the go ahead and leave bawling party again tonight.
I hate this place!!! It has the Borderline'get the hell out but please don't leave me' vibe to it.
Help!!!
This time, he promised me that he would not try to kill himself. He said that he only threatened that so I wouldn't move out.
Maybe....
I can go now?
It finally dawned on me why my ex freaked out in January of 2012.
He became very scary. Things got to the point where I was tethered to the house. Huge sums of money went missing from the retirement accounts. My credit was wrecked. The year prior, all the talk about how we had to make Christmas in 2011 good because it would be the last one together for the kids went out the window.
But, even then, he wanted to escort me everywhere I went. I couldn't leave the house alone.
I think I know why....
At first I thought it was the election. He blamed it on my running for office. He blamed it on the fact that I now had the ability to financially support myself the kids and not need him.
He got violent and went on rants. He vacillated between demanding that I stay because I married him to crying and telling me to leave. There were the suicide threats and the promises that I could leave once the bankruptcy was over. I swear, I made weekly calls to the court to make sure he filed.
He lied and said he did. I had to call the lawyer to light a fire under his arse. We filed towards the end of December last year. I'm pissed that we needed to file at all.
He has said things about my needing to stay because his mother abandoned him. He doesn't want to be alone.
He's alone now!
I don't know why he wants me here. Is it his ego?
Marriage is supposed to be about an intimate relationship.
We don't have one.
He's jealous...but it has nothing to do with money. He's jealous of my friendships (and one in particular).
He's doing the Scorpio thing of digging his heels in just enough to make sure that no one is going to be happy.
I fear he's going to win.
This is why I hesitate. If I had known my friend was interested in me, I'd have taken off as soon as the numbers were counted on election day. Heck, I may have even moved and made myself ineligible to continue the campaign. I didn't know my friend had those feelings. I justified staying for the kids. I promised to stay through Christmas and that gave my ex enough time to stir the pot of trouble to the point I became stuck.
I'm not going to make him any more promises.
I've learned my lesson. I'm going to pay a steep price for trusting a liar. If I repeat the stuff a liar says, I'm a liar, too. I'm going to lose a friend over it.
I pray that there is someone hotter, less gullible and less confused waiting in the wings for him.