Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for recognizing my own stupidity.   How in the world can I read the body language of politicians while being confused by my ex's body language? I can tell when the Governor lies. I can tell when my ex lies, I just assume I am wrong. Truth be told, he IS a liar. He acts like a liar. He questions me when I ask him a question about what he knew about the stalking. Then he rages at me if I ask the question again. Then he'll leave the room if I ask a third time. He refuses to tell the truth. He's involved in the stalking. Yet for some stupid reason, I tend to believe him. Goodness gracious, I'm a dolt. We went to hire another attorney today for the purposes of getting a restraining order against Shannon -and- my ex balked. He balked just like he did when I picked up the phone to call the police after discovering the newly installed back locks were broken. So, there will be no restraining order. Okay....whatever. The cop

Today I am thankful for my new lawyer; this one is a family law practitioner but he will only work with me to help me get a restraining order against my abusive former in-laws.   I was up until a little after 3:30 am reading the website of a minister who counsels adult children of narcissists.  She writes about her personal story and her relationship with her NPD father.  He stalks her and her family.  He hassles them constantly.  He ignores her cease and desist letters.  She writes about how he will have lawyers send letters to her promising inclusion in a will. That sounds familiar.  Where have I seen this before?  The reason for promising money is that they assume their children are as greedy as they are.  They try to hook the person into contact with the promise of money.  The object of the game is to get the spouse and children to side with him against the adult child of the narcissist.  Between letters from lawyers, the kids will get cards p

  Today I am thankful for Zombie Love. You know....zombie love.  It is a phrase that correlates directly with my high school sweetheart. You don't know what zombie love is?  Oh, that's first love that refuses to die no matter how clear it is that two dumb kids who imprinted on each other were never suited for each other.  Zombie love - It never dies. It will always be undead.... forever.  It just changes.  See?  I have a zombie love.  He was Scottish.  I'm a little sad about it today because I was informed he was the reason I was stalked heavily in the past few years.  My ex was jealous that I was willing to meet my old friend in a crowded restaurant filled with my ultra-conservative work colleagues and political adversaries. Oh, did I mention my old friend had a broken leg?  Oh, did I mention that he gets much hotter chicks?  Yeah....nothing was going to happen.  I don't understand why a man heck bent on divorcing me would get

Today I am thankful that I can go toe to toe with dumb Democrats.  So, I took over a recall bid to let it die because the woman they were trying to recall has a spine. Her cohorts are trying to do away with the death penalty and she told them to grow a brain. So.. we let her recall bid die. Shhhhh.....that's a secret. As long as she's in office, the gun rights weirdos will have a common enemy.  They will get more donations and more money to elect conservatives. It's a win-win. Besides, she'll be replaced in 2014 anyway.  She has no idea how many Democrats in her district she pissed off.   Many Democrats are gun owners. I knocked on doors.  Her constituents are not happy. She's a goner. Worse, she's breaking local election law. It's not a secret.  I managed to find proof -but- I may not need to do anything with it. She's a goner. Sigh... Battles.....this daughter of Ares has to pick her battles a little more wisely. Now, her

Today I am thankful that I can actually consider playing a little game of truth or dare. Do I dare learn the truth?  The last time I cast a spell to learn the truth about a rude, nasty, condescending politician.... the universe thrust me into the position of running for his seat.  Then I met a gossip or two.  I still can't delete what those evil, wicked, liberal women told me!!!  I am just going to say that they  should be the last people on earth questioning a man's morals for alleged sexual experimentation!!  They're Democrats....for goodness sake!!  Besides, anyone of a certain age who has been in the Navy... lived in a time when females were not allowed on boats. Well.... he's entitled to indulge.  Everyone is entitled to indulge in consensual love that is in line with their morals and laws of the land. Who am I to judge?   I'm not sure he did that anyway.  I think those little old gossipy ladies had active imaginations

Today I am thankful for fibromyalgia attacks; they help me see when I need to make changes.     In 1994, I went on a hike in Golden, Colorado.  I was bit by a tick.      The next day, I could not move a muscle.  The doctors swore up and down that it was not Lyme disease.    They swore I had an auto-immune disorder.    In 1999, the diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.    I don't believe the doctors.      I learned hypnosis when I was a kid.  Hypnosis keeps the pain away.      Until now....the pain was bearable.    Now it is so bad that I'm not sleeping.      I started taking sleeping pills and Aleve.    I wake up black and blue the next day.    My entire leg will be bruised.    It doesn't make a dent in the pain.        Today, my ex wanted to pal around with me.    I took him to the grocery store to buy him a soda.    He started to talk about seeing me naked.    That was my fault.    I bought a lo

  Today I am thankful for love and friendship.   I am confused...but thankful. I have a friend, who I'm pretty sure has become my best friend. I love my friend.  The way he smiles at me when he thinks that I am not looking gives away the fact that he knows.  I think he's known all along.  It's been more than two and a half years since I saw him glowing in a coffee shop one Thursday afternoon.  He looked up.  He smiled.  He brightened up the room.  I can only describe it as glowing.  No, we are not near a nuclear power plant.  Two years ago, he gave a speech and the way he looked at me made another friend of mine ask if we were 'an item.' No.  We're just friends.  I have stuff I need to take care of before inviting anyone into my life in that manner. ***** The past two years have been depressing and scary.  The stalking has picked up.  My money went missing.  My business had to be put on hiatus. I gained thirty pounds.

  Today I am thankful for revolting narcissist revelations. They tell me what they are up to doing.  First, I'll start by saying that there was nothing to the letter from the elder law lawyer.  It was a ruse.  There was a will on file with the courthouse and it said what it was supposed to say;  "all property shall go to the surviving spouse."  Why my ex received a letter from a lawyer asking him to call pertaining to the will is beyond me. This is funny to me because I do volunteer work for senior citizen advocacy groups and know a lot of lawyers.  Today I had to turn down a shot at volunteering for a senior law convention.  That's how I get my education, I volunteer and get paid admission to the classes in exchange for my work.  Maybe I should go so I could have a nice little chat with the lawyer who sent the letter.  I think it was a fishing expedition because the lawyer is known for her work getting visitation for grandparents.  My in-laws d

Today I am thankful for Pagan humor; it's enough to scare the Christian boys away.         Yes, I do have an altar set up to Dionysus.  As a former artist hoping to get her groove back, I want to give him his props.    He's one of my favorite Greek Dieties.    Just don't ask him for passion, unless you can handle it in large doses.    He'll help you find it.    Yeah... if you wish for passion, you'll get three of them.... all built like something out of a porn movie.   When they are done messing with you at the same time, they'll leave you to bleed out on the side of the road.    I don't have the guts.    I did ask once.    He brought me two of them.    At the same time.    Actually, now that I think about it....he brought me three (the third one wanted me alone).    They all resembled the one man I fantasized about during my meditation to Dionysus.    This was during the phase where m

Today I am thankful for my crazy gynecologist.  Okay, not really. I lost my insurance, so I'll probably never see her again. I made an appointment a few weeks before filing for a divorce to check out a lump I found in my left breast. It is gone now. During the appointment, we did a sexual history questionnaire. I told her I'd been celibate for 6+ years (7 now). I've had only one partner in over twenty years! I guess she didn't believe me. I got a letter from the lab today. Yeah...I'm completely STD free. She must have tested me for all sorts of itchy scratchy thingies because the insurance paid for it. Nice.... I could have told her that. So, I guess I didn't get anything from the toilet seat in the past few years. Well...the joke is on her. I'm not completely STD free. It's in my monogram. My initials are STD. Seriously....why do all sorts of STD tests for a prude? Huh? Wow.... Should I save the letter?  Do I

Today I am thankful that I'm learning to recognize craziness.   I'm trying to get all the documentation to the courthouse.   The printer is not working, so my ex's legal stuff isn't printing out.   Mine did.   That's weird.  So....we haven't struck the parenting agreement.   I'm trying to talk him into 50/50 custody.   He doesn't want any part of it.   I'm trying to talk him into keeping the house because I can't afford it.   Nope, he says that I need the house.   Why?   He wants to keep me safe.   His sister has been known to try to break into this house for reasons unknown to me.  She's been caught on camera and I don't quite understand why she's doing this.   The cops say my ex is putting his sister up to it.   I don't know.   He claims that by  playing martyr, not seeing his kids, while giving me the house and all of its contents will somehow keep the kids and I sa