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Still Lighting Candles for An Old Friend

 


Today I am thankful for prayer. 

The 10 hour candles are burning out in two hours.  

Makes me wonder if my former friend is okay?  I'll go to the store and grab more.  

Should I put some fast luck oil in them?  

What do guys tend to freak out about?  

Money? 

Not enough success?  opportunities? 

Worried about failure? 

Yeah, I don't want to think about anything else going on with him.  Fast Luck oil works for sex and love, too.

That's none of my business. 

Maybe I'll go through the family potion recipes and see if I can find a blessing oil or a miracle one or something. 

I feel a little silly about this but I don't know why the dreams are coming to me.

This guy can't stand me.

Maybe I'm the one person in the universe who owes him the most?  I mean when I was a dumb orphaned teenager and my family were dying off like flies, I seriously considered joining them. 

He force me to get help. 

I owe him. 

****

Still - the last time I had nightmares of him, he broke his leg. 

There was a set of dreams that started November 5, 2005, which began by him driving a car with a woman and they were hit by a semi and killed.  Over time, and after several petitions to my Deities, the dreams changed to him alone getting injured by breaking his leg. 

He sought me out in August19, 2008. I tried to warn him then.  

I tried to warn him again on April 15, 2010. 

He just smiled. 

Yeah, I'm an ex which, to be quite fair, makes me a nutcase. 


To be fair, I am acting like I'm insane. 

When I met him on January 11, 2011,  

he had a cast on his left leg. 

So - 

This time - I don't want to hear of ANYTHING bad happening to him.  

Nothing.  

I'm going to try to change the course of the dreams.  

I'll light candles 24/7 until I go thirty days dream free.  

I have to start the countdown tonight at 30 due to the dream of him this morning. 

This is possibly an exercise in fixing my bad karma with this person.  After the real-life nightmare I put that poor soul through, I think he needs the prayers. 

This has got to end. 

My clothes smell like spent wax!  

I don't want to go through my days looking like a clown and smelling like a crayon. 

Heading off to sleep. 

Love ya, 

S.  

I'll update this post in the morning.  

This INFJ dream thing is difficult to live with.  Maybe if I go get that Ph.D. I'll exercise that thinking function again and test as an INXJ.   An X in this instance means that I test 50% in the (T) Thinking function and 50% in the (F) Feeling function.  That's what happened when I was in graduate school.  It was beautiful.  I had no freaky dreams that I had to worry about coming true.  

That is bliss.....beautiful bliss.  

Now, I'm off to pull a Tarot card.  Maybe that'll give me something to meditate on. I pray it's not creepy. 

It was The Hermit reversed.  All that means is that I've got to stop avoiding things that make me uncomfortable. 

10/19/20 edit 10:30 am: 

Woo hoo!  

5 hours blissful sleep.  

No freaky dreams.  

I'm going to get a lot done today. 

Countdown clock: 29 

10/19/20 edit 2:53 pm: 

Went outside and inhaled the smoke from the fire...

forgot my inhaler....

got dizzy....

lay down....

fell asleep....

so....I'm back at 30. 

I don't even know how to describe this one, I'll try below.   I wouldn't say it was a nightmare just inappropriate **. 

At least no one died. 

I figured out how to take out the emotion and the worry/ick/sad factor.  I'm learning lucid dreaming.  So, if I dream of a disturbing scene, I just imagine myself flying overhead so I'm not in the middle of it. 

It helps.  

Let's see: 

A miniature version of this man is in front of me to the right and a miniature version of me is in front of me and to the left.  This is a single cord between them. He is sending energy from his heart chakra to her.  She sends it back.  The line bulges with each jolt of energy sent.  
In a way, it looks like pinp-pong with energy. 

The energy takes form of a heart-beat as if one was experiencing 
a myocardial infarction as viewed on a heart monitor.



Yeah, perhaps they're giving each other heart attacks.  

Like this but more exaggerated and clumpy. 


Eventually one of the pair severs the cord.  Several more cords take its place.  The energy transfer continues until the cords break again and are replaced by an exponential number of cords. 

I wake up and immediately set to praying.   


I remember him as a Christian, so for him, I light the white candles and pray to his God.  The only thing I can is 'let go and let the Creator.' do whatever needs done. 

I don't know him any more.  I knew him well as a young man but I don't know him well now.  I pray for strangers all the time.  Perhaps, I'm meant to pray for the one who haunts my nightmares, too.  

((( hugs ))) 

S. 






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