Acceptance is the Answer to Everything

My subconscious mind speaks: This song is stuck...in...my...head

(actually, it's the bass line that is stuck in my head). .

I don't need anyone, honestly, and I don't have any brain cells to spare.

Today I am thankful for acceptance.

I accept I have crazy dreams possibly due to unfinished business

my fear of getting into another toxic relationship.

One cannot love easily when one is living in fear.

Fear and love cannot coexist.

The fear is keeping me safe.

*****

I sleep better without electronics in my room and decided to relocate my recording studio.

Last night, I slept about seven hours. The only thing I remember dreaming about is a gravestone.

It didn't say anything.

I got the sense it was mine should I enter into a relationship again.

So - maybe my mind is working it out.

*****
The Covid lockdown is making me a bit anxious. We cannot really do anything or talk to anyone.

I have to accept that our government leaders are buffoons who don't want criticism so they make it hard for people to get involved.

I'm seeing a lot of waste with regard to addiction treatment funds. Facilities are misusing the money and leaving some patients homeless and without treatment. My boss is urging me to join or start a PAC.

A homeless activist was threatened with arrest for filming the Denver Police stealing stuff from the homeless. She paid to file an inquiry. Denver doesn't take complaints seriously. That's a leadership problem.

She shouldn't have to pay.

I'm tired of helping people get clean without anyplace to go. They end up back on the streets (sometimes with their children).

If one not using and is homeless, they soon will begin to use to cope with the trauma.

Maybe this tendency runs in the family.

Maybe - I need to act more like the Grant side of my family and start fighting battles again. The best meditation could be hiking the mountain that bears the name of my famous ancestor.

Jumping into the fray will definitely stop the dreams.

I won't have time to sleep.

*****

When you find what you were born to do, embrace it.

Once you find what that is, it'll never seem like you have enough time.

Love you,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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