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If My Life Could be Distilled into One Sentence

 


Today I am thankful for the ability to laugh at myself. 


I woke up....famished....and ran downstairs to open the refrigerator. 

It was full.  Since I gave the kids credit cards, they keep it pretty well stocked. 

They're health food addicts, too. 

Lots of veggies and fruit, 

sprouted bread, 

Ghee, 

yogurt, 

various types of cheese, 

imagine it and it is probably there. 

Despite the variety, .nothing looked like it would be worth the effort to put into my mouth. 

Then, my subconscious mind came up with this zinger - 

I'm starving and despite the abundance in front of me, there is nothing I want to touch.

This is the story of my life. 

*****

Yes, I've given thought to why I am terrified to date. 

I think it boils down to just one thing - 

It took me YEARS to extricate myself from the mess that was my last marriage. 

I knew his family since I was fourteen years old. 

How in the hell did I miss the toxic, stalking, narcissistic tendencies that ran in that enmeshed family? 

It's hard to trust myself now. 

It's to the point, though, where I'm not living. 

*****

INFJs tend to go into a private little isolated hell when they're depressed and introspective. 

I've been here for the past three to four weeks. 

My friends are worried about me because I'm missing in action short of the little messages I send them for their birthdays. 

Part of me is afraid of what is going to happen when my ex-husband gets the response to his legal inquiries. 

I'm hoping he's done with the harassment piece. 

Just to be sure, I ought to start hunting for a new job. 

I am so damn tired of hiding from the world just to feel safe. 

It's dumb. 

It's a waste of energy. 

Maybe moving to Kansas isn't such a bad idea after all? 

I'd just get lost because there will be no mountains for me to navigate by. 

At least, I won't have all these painful memories triggering nostalgic dreams that freak me out. 


May you always keep your sense of direction.

Love, 

S. 




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