If My Life Could be Distilled into One Sentence

Today I am thankful for the ability to laugh at myself.

I woke up....famished....and ran downstairs to open the refrigerator.

It was full. Since I gave the kids credit cards, they keep it pretty well stocked.

They're health food addicts, too.

Lots of veggies and fruit,

sprouted bread,

Ghee,

yogurt,

various types of cheese,

imagine it and it is probably there.

Despite the variety, .nothing looked like it would be worth the effort to put into my mouth.

Then, my subconscious mind came up with this zinger -

I'm starving and despite the abundance in front of me, there is nothing I want to touch.

This is the story of my life.

*****

Yes, I've given thought to why I am terrified to date.

I think it boils down to just one thing -

It took me YEARS to extricate myself from the mess that was my last marriage.

I knew his family since I was fourteen years old.

How in the hell did I miss the toxic, stalking, narcissistic tendencies that ran in that enmeshed family?

It's hard to trust myself now.

It's to the point, though, where I'm not living.

*****

INFJs tend to go into a private little isolated hell when they're depressed and introspective.

I've been here for the past three to four weeks.

My friends are worried about me because I'm missing in action short of the little messages I send them for their birthdays.

Part of me is afraid of what is going to happen when my ex-husband gets the response to his legal inquiries.

I'm hoping he's done with the harassment piece.

Just to be sure, I ought to start hunting for a new job.

I am so damn tired of hiding from the world just to feel safe.

It's dumb.

It's a waste of energy.

Maybe moving to Kansas isn't such a bad idea after all?

I'd just get lost because there will be no mountains for me to navigate by.

At least, I won't have all these painful memories triggering nostalgic dreams that freak me out.

May you always keep your sense of direction.

Love,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004. We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor his financial

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out

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