Either I'm Dreaming or The Gods Brought Me a Miracle

Today I am thankful that my liver tumor is gone.

It is completely gone.

Weird, eh?

I'm not sure I believe it.

So....I received my medical records from the radiologist today and did a little end run around my doctor.

I'm glad I did.

*****

I had an ultrasound in January and they found a huge tumor that they thought was cancerous.

They sent me in for a MRI in March and found the same tumor but they could not rule out cancer.

They did blood tests. The blood tests may be why my doctor determined that I did not have cancer. They ordered an ultrasound for the next month.

Then Covid hit. I put off the ultrasound until a few days ago....because....why not?

I don't like going places now because mask Nazis are creepy and I fear getting hit by a creep more than I fear cancer.

Last month, I had a dream of a Djinn telling me that I had a gallstone and to drink some dirt tasting tea that I bought off of Amazon.

I only drank two cups.

Maybe that did the trick? That could explain the searing pain I felt a couple of weeks ago. Maybe a gallstone passed then.

I've also been drinking my step-daddy's Essiac Tea recipe.

It is claimed that it cures cancer.

I also have a fondness for Soursop (Graviola) tea.

It allegedly prevents cancer.

I never expected this.

I've had liver pain my entire life. I expected them to tell me that the tumor was a congenital liver defect. My mom drank heavily through her pregnancy. I was born eight weeks early. After her murder, the autopsy showed advanced cirrhosis.

Tonight, at 1700, I received a link to my medical records. The last test shows my liver to be completely normal (no tumor, no fatty liver disease, no cirrhosis).

Wow.....someone must've been praying for me.

*****
I'm embarrassed to say that I never thought to pray about the liver issue.

I've prayed for a five year old girl in a freak accident.

I've prayed for a battered woman and her children.

I've prayed that an abusive asshat would stop choking my eldest daughter and that I have the self-control not to use him for target practice.

I've prayed for an old boyfriend to find what he wants and needs most in the world if it is for his highest good.

I never thought to pray about my tumor.

One some stupid level, I figured that I was far too obnoxious to die.

Don't they say that 'only the good die young?'

I'm typically up to no good.

*****

Wanna hear the truth?

I really miss ginger flavored vodka.

Yum.

On second thought, now that I think about it, I'd better not tempt fate.

Love ya,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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