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Waning Moon = Fallow Times = Sitting Still


Today I am thankful for the opportunity to be still. 




I want to document one little thing.


Michael wants to reconcile for the sake of the children.  I reminded him that the issue of the stalking had not been addressed.

His reply was that he bought me a car.  The new car has yet to have a gps box fall off of it.


This is frustrating.
He bought it with my money!!!


According to bank documents, he was supposed to turn over $34,000 to me last November.

The day we divorced, I was informed that he needed my van.  I gave it to him believing that I would receive enough cash to buy a new car. 

From the account he was supposed to sign over to me, he gave me $1,500 out of that to buy a used car with 190,000 miles on it.  This was four months after he was supposed to sign the account over to me.   In August, he gave me $1,100 out of those funds to repair it.  It still needs a $800 computer chip to run decently.  It also needs a battery. 
In his mind, he bought me a new car. 

Sigh...


This does not help me feel safer in the least.


*******

Yes, I did receive $18,000 last week in the form of the IRA.  He admitted to spending $14,000 of it without my consent after I filed for a divorce.  He promised to pay $167 a month towards paying me back.  Right now, that money is being used to pay back my $159 per month student loan payment.


I can only access about $10,000 of the funds.  At least it is a start for my new life.  It's not enough for a car and job training but at least I can fix the car I have. 

I just wanted to document this. 

I am confused. 


It is almost as  though he doesn't think that money is mine.  If not, whose is it?  Do I need to go back to court to clarify everything?


I don't think I'm going to be able to leave this relationship.
I don't think I'm going to be able to repair it either.


*****
Mike has wanted to reconcile since 2011.  I have told him repeatedly that we need to have marital counseling and the control issues would need to be addressed.  These things have never happened.


He went into therapy for a bit and then quit.  I figured it out when we stopped getting bills from the therapist.  He was telling me he was in therapy but he was doing other things. 


He said that the stalking would be remedied by our divorce.  I don't know about that.  I don't know who is behind it and why my ex-husband's family in engaging I it.  I don't know.  Mike would have to be behind it to know how to stop it.  If he's doing it, I urge him to get counseling. 

That's okay....


Mike's brand of control is different from Steve's.  Mike has never tried to tear me down as a human being.  He's lied about me to his family and used me as a 'get out of jail free' card.  If he didn't want to do something, he'd tell his mother that I wouldn't let him.  That could be why I'm being harassed.  I don't know. 

Mike has never called me a fake, a fraud, stupid, fat, unkind, narcissistic or inconsiderate.  He's just controlled my access to vehicles, money and phones.  He controls my time. 

That doesn't hurt near as much as being constantly criticized. 


I love Steve but I can never talk to him again. 

I love Mike.  I'm not sure that staying with him is ideal.  At least I can cohabit with him on some level without needing anti-depressants.
He has a nice.....uh...beauty mark....on his....uh...sigh....I haven't seen it in years. 

Maybe I should stay with Mike.  I seem to attract delusional narcissists or alcoholics who mimic those behaviors.  Maybe I'm safer with a controlling dude and his stalker family.


Love ya,

S.









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