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Letting Go of a Demon (w/ edits)



Today I am thankful for being a witch at Samhain.


I am working on letting one of my demons loose.

I lit sandalwood incense.


I let it go. 


You know something....


I don't feel any different.

Maybe I'm so used to the darkness that I can't feel the light anymore. 


*****


I am having bizarre dreams about being shot by my stalker again.  I wonder why? 


I wish I could conjure something that would get my former sister-in-law, Shannon,  arrested. 

I wish I could put an end to this entire nightmare. 



*****


Did I ever tell you who my favorite comic book hero is? 


It is NOT the scarlet witch.  No....she's a tad bit insane. 




Isn't that surprising? 


Most people think she's my favorite.  That's probably because of my dark auburn hair.



My favorite comic book persona is The Punisher. 

In my fantasy world, I have an assortment of fancy cars, bombs, knives, glocks, uzis and a twisted way of thinking that results in dead criminals and their fiery remnants in a smoldering hell. 


Yeah.....


In reality, I drive a beat up jalopy.  I just carry a pistol and pepper spray.  If you scare the holy hell out of me, you'll just have the aroma of a rare steak.  I probably couldn't drive fast enough to out run the cops.

So....revenge really isn't possible for someone like me.  


*****


Let me try the ceremony again. 

If I can't let go of the demon, I'll put it to work for me.  Our shadow sides tend to have some utility about them, don't they?   They are birthed as a solution to a problem.

Maybe I need the demon in the here and now. 

The person I am trying to bind will find out what kind of demon that I am talking about releasing soon enough. 

((( cue the evil cackling )))

Love ya lots,

S.

Edit:  I got out my stalking journal.  I said a prayer.  I asked to have the stalker brought to justice or find away to untangle our lives.  Stalking is a bizarre crime: it creates an obsession in both the stalker and the target.  The stalker obsesses about the target.  The target obsesses about preventing the next incident. Stalking weaves a bizarre webbed connection between the stalker and the stalked. 

I want it done.

I want to be free of the sticky threads.

I want to stop being the spider's prey. 

 I didn't like the answer I received in my meditation.

All of the evidence points to my ex-husband.  There were times when his sister broke into my car (1993-1994) and he became angry at me because I made a big deal out of it.  I don't know...maybe he asked her to do those things?  Maybe he is enabling her.  I don't know.

I confronted him.  I didn't really get a straight answer. 


I did....but I didn't.

He admitted to telling his family my whereabouts.  He admitted to knowing what they were doing.  He admitted to not standing up to them. 

That's about it. 

He has the need to control me.  They are helping him. 

On the bright side, today marks the eleventh month that I have not seen Shannon follow me or watch me in public.  I gave away my car and bought a beat up one (so she doesn't know what I drive): I also hired a mechanic to check it for GPS devices every few months.  October marks the fourth month since I've seen damage to any of my doors and locks.   My neighbor is a private investigator: He keeps an eye on the house for me.  The phones have been quiet since I've changed our phone numbers.  All appears to be back to normal.

Maybe they've stopped? 


I hope so. 
I don't feel safe enough yet.  I am taking my control back slowly and surely.


Love ya,

S. 









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