Today I am thankful that I am getting a sense of what is really going on. I am nearly ready to throw away my identity.
I hate my life.
Steve was the first new love interest in 25 years. Every other man interested in me was an ex.
Now, Steve is an ex.
He's trying to woo me back my pretending that we didn't break up. He is writing me really romantic emails trying to explain everything away as two people who do not understand their relationship.
Okay....I miss him blind. I can't handle narcissistic, vindictive bullshit. I need to understand that first.
Now, I have Mike. He's my ex-husband who is portraying our sexless marriage and divorce as a way to make me happy by sending me away with another guy. He says our never ending celibacy streak was a mistake. He says our divorce is a mistake.
He says he gets "hard" every time he looks at me.
So, this is why he gave me advice that led to my break-up with Steve. I get it! I'm sooo slow.
He told me that changing my online status to "divorced" would make the stalking stop. I did that because having the stalking stop would give me my life back.
When I changed my status, Steve was confused. I tried explaining it to him online but then Mike made it clear that he was watching the discussion. I never got to tell Steve why I changed my status. Steve picked a stupid fight about politics and turned on me like a rabid pit bull. We broke up.
You know, my internal bullshit detector is busted. I need a new one.
*****
Mike thinks he has a chance with me.
He has made it known that he doesn't want Steve near me or the girls.
What in the world? Help?
Man, I've got to get out of here.
Seriously.....
I have got to run!
Where shall I go?
I don't know how to leave. I was given the house in the divorce. My ex was supposed to sign over the title to my mini-van, split some of the bank accounts and move out by November 1, 2013.
None of that happened. The money has never been split. I haven't worked for anyone other than myself for 17 years. I don't know where to get a good paying job. I was hoping to use my divorce settlement to get job training. It's being spent. There will be nothing left by the time he signs it over to me.
What do I do?
I am really uncomfortable now.
My gut instinct is to avoid the house until my ex moves out.
Maybe I need to change my persona. Would that turn him off? I have changed my persona so much and nothing turns him off. I think men actually like uncovering unknown facets of my personality. I guess the mystery is a turn on.
When Mike and I were "separated" between 2006 and 2011, I could hang out with my musician buddies, do politics, and have a business. Then I started visiting with my high school sweetheart. The moment he re-entered my life, the stalking suddenly became worse. I wouldn't learn who was behind it until January 2013.
My ex-husband's sister is doing the bulk of it. The cops say he's asking her to harass me.
Help?
My life is passing me by while I wait for the stalking to stop and this mess to be cleaned up.
Is it worth running off? Is it worth leaving everything behind?
I had a police officer tell me that no house was worth my life. She urged me to go to a shelter.
I'll pray for answers.
What should I do?
What good is a divorce agreement when one party simply treats it like a piece of paper?
I'll figure it out.
This is just too much crap for me to deal with. It really is.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. The above video gives me an idea. I actually have Geisha outfits. I wonder if Mike will leave is I started wearing those and practicing Japanese.
Hell, it's worth a shot.
Sadly, the chorus of Mr. Roboto is the extent of the Japanese I am familiar with
.
You know, that video gives me an idea, too. Could I disguise myself as a robot so that I can escape from this jail?
I'm Killroy!!
Okay...that might be too much.
I'll contact Legal Aid.
Sigh.....