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Blinders as a Lifestyle Strategy




Today I am thankful for a new strategy for changing my life: I am going to put my blinders on.

I had a girlfriend point out what romance was.  She said that it wasn't chocolate and flowers.  She said that romance was the little things like being considerate, making food the other person likes, giving him the last cookie, telling him that you care, listening to him talk about his day, giving your energy in order to make his life easier. 

Holy shit! 

I'm doing that stuff for the wrong man! 

I thought I was being a good roommate...but no!  I'm romancing the guy I'm trying to get rid of!!! 

I wasn't doing it for the guy who needed it!

I get it!!! 

I get it now!!! 

I know why I am stressed out and feeling scattered! 

I'm doing too much!!!  I'm taking care of two men but not getting my needs met in the process.  I still cry myself to sleep at night.  I still sleep alone.  I don't know what I can do without triggering stalking or having my car taken away from me.  I don't know what I can invest in because my money has not been given to me.  I'm lost.  I'm alone.  I want my life to be different.


I am breathless.  I've been sick for about a month now.  I've actually fainted twice in the past week.  I don't want to tell anyone that or I'd end up in the ER.  I am pretty sure that this cold is triggering my asthma. 

The cold is probably due to lowered immunity due to stress. 


*****





I wanted to make a plan to get my ex-husband out of my daily life.  What would he need to move on?  Can we put together a time frame or a list of goals?  What do we need to do?  Does he really want the house?  Can I move out? 
That wasn't what he wanted to talk about.  He knew I was pushing the issue so I could try again with my friend. 
My ex-husband spent about an hour telling me that Steve is going to beat me up. 

No, he won't. 

Projection?

No....I don't know.  To me it seems like a ball exhibition.  Steve came to the house to make eye contact with my ex last month, it seemed like an attempt to stake a claim.  My ex is badmouthing Steve.  It is a male ball showing competition.  I hate it.  It bores me to death. 
I am tired of this.  If I had money, my ex-husband would be off the alimony hook.  I could afford to romance the right guy.  So, I'm gonna flip off my stalker(s) and start making dough.  Hey, if one of them hurts me and I get on the news, maybe I can get some advertising out of it.

So....I am going to shift strategies.  Instead of trying to make everyone happy, I am going to focus on work and making me happy. 

I'm going to put on my blinders and keep the things that I want in my sights.  I'll keep my eyes on the prize.

Let's see if that makes things change soon. 

Love ya,

S.



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