Skip to main content

Those Five Hours


 
 
I have five hours every weekday that I am free from the crazy dance.

Almost free..

My ex will call me every day around 1:00 p.m. 

We talk more after we legally separated than we did during our entire marriage. 

It's a tad bit weird. 

Between 9:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m.  I am free. 

I am free to see a shrink. 

I am free to make recordings.   

I am free to build websites, to network, to go to job fairs. 

I am free. 

Around 2:00, he calls or comes to the house.   As per the separation agreement, he is to pick the kids up from school and bring them home.  That was almost as dumb as the Sunday dinner agreement.

At 2:00, it begins. 

The begging..... 

The pleading.... 

The sexual flirtations.....

His verbal fantasizing about our re-marriage....

The trying to get me to understand that he is not the stalker, yet detailing how his sister and cousin got keys to the house (he mailed them) or information about me (he told them). 

I try to understand. 

I don't. 

The stalker knew things about me that only he knew. 

My van had a GPS box on it. 

He never checked his car for a GPS box (maybe he knew there wasn't one on his car).

He never swept the house for bugs (because he knew we hadn't been bugged). 

This is too weird. 

He is NOT obsessed with me at all. 

Or so he claims. 

Now, I recently added him as a Facebook friend in the hopes that transparency would be a good thing for everyone. 

He'd know that my love for my friend was real and that this man is not a figment of my imagination. 

My ex and my friend have never met. 

Everyone else I know seems to know my friend. 

It was awkward when I learned that my divorce attorney and my friend were constantly arguing about politics.  I have since fired the lawyer but he's still my Facebook friend.  I'm thinking that he's watching the Siegfred/friend soap opera. 

Everyone knows. 

Some people are taking bets as to when we hook up. 

Other people are trying to help me get away.

Everyone knows my friend. 

Almost everyone....my ex does not.   

I rationalized that Facebook would be a good thing. 

My ex would know that I'm trying to move on. 

My ex would communicate with me more on Facebook than in person. 

Adding him to that account backfired in a big way. 

The eldest wanted me to ask her father for permission to go to a friend's house during her visitation time. 

I went into the basement to ask. 

The computer screen....

the one he uses...

it was full of all of my Facebook posts for the past day!!! 

You could see my numerous avatars of my face fill the screen.  It was almost as though he was logged into my account!  You could see my face in the comment boxes!

Holy Crap!!!

My ex IS my stalker. 

I'm hurt. 

I'm creeped out. 

He is still denying it. 

Maybe adding him as a friend wasn't a bad thing.  If he's hacking my account, he probably sees everything anyway. 

I'm hurting. 

This does explain quite a bit. 

I want to cry but I have to wait until everyone goes to bed. 

How does he lie to me with such a straight face? 

Wow....

just wow.....

I made an appointment with my shrink for the morning. 

Love ya,

S. 



Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor hi...
Read more

Confused Terror

Today I am thankful for forensic research.   I am realizing that my danger has not passed.  Steve wants me to move beyond the stalking.  I try.  I research it.  I delve into case studies.  I read too much.  How can I feel safe again? And, again it comes down to rage, anger, power, and the need to control another human being.  Stalkers tend to have had a previous relationship with their victims and do not want to let go of said relationship.  Then, I realize that I have my ex-husband living in my basement who daily tells me that Steve has everything he (meaning my ex) wants.  Then I feel sick and scared.  90% of stalkers have the ability to coerce their families into stalking for them.  I get more afraid.  Am I allowing the enemy close access?  Do I have to change up the divorce agreement, sell the house and move out of state?  I also am learning that most incide...
Read more