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Those Five Hours


 
 
I have five hours every weekday that I am free from the crazy dance.

Almost free..

My ex will call me every day around 1:00 p.m. 

We talk more after we legally separated than we did during our entire marriage. 

It's a tad bit weird. 

Between 9:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m.  I am free. 

I am free to see a shrink. 

I am free to make recordings.   

I am free to build websites, to network, to go to job fairs. 

I am free. 

Around 2:00, he calls or comes to the house.   As per the separation agreement, he is to pick the kids up from school and bring them home.  That was almost as dumb as the Sunday dinner agreement.

At 2:00, it begins. 

The begging..... 

The pleading.... 

The sexual flirtations.....

His verbal fantasizing about our re-marriage....

The trying to get me to understand that he is not the stalker, yet detailing how his sister and cousin got keys to the house (he mailed them) or information about me (he told them). 

I try to understand. 

I don't. 

The stalker knew things about me that only he knew. 

My van had a GPS box on it. 

He never checked his car for a GPS box (maybe he knew there wasn't one on his car).

He never swept the house for bugs (because he knew we hadn't been bugged). 

This is too weird. 

He is NOT obsessed with me at all. 

Or so he claims. 

Now, I recently added him as a Facebook friend in the hopes that transparency would be a good thing for everyone. 

He'd know that my love for my friend was real and that this man is not a figment of my imagination. 

My ex and my friend have never met. 

Everyone else I know seems to know my friend. 

It was awkward when I learned that my divorce attorney and my friend were constantly arguing about politics.  I have since fired the lawyer but he's still my Facebook friend.  I'm thinking that he's watching the Siegfred/friend soap opera. 

Everyone knows. 

Some people are taking bets as to when we hook up. 

Other people are trying to help me get away.

Everyone knows my friend. 

Almost everyone....my ex does not.   

I rationalized that Facebook would be a good thing. 

My ex would know that I'm trying to move on. 

My ex would communicate with me more on Facebook than in person. 

Adding him to that account backfired in a big way. 

The eldest wanted me to ask her father for permission to go to a friend's house during her visitation time. 

I went into the basement to ask. 

The computer screen....

the one he uses...

it was full of all of my Facebook posts for the past day!!! 

You could see my numerous avatars of my face fill the screen.  It was almost as though he was logged into my account!  You could see my face in the comment boxes!

Holy Crap!!!

My ex IS my stalker. 

I'm hurt. 

I'm creeped out. 

He is still denying it. 

Maybe adding him as a friend wasn't a bad thing.  If he's hacking my account, he probably sees everything anyway. 

I'm hurting. 

This does explain quite a bit. 

I want to cry but I have to wait until everyone goes to bed. 

How does he lie to me with such a straight face? 

Wow....

just wow.....

I made an appointment with my shrink for the morning. 

Love ya,

S. 



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