Lessons About Love

Today I am thankful for my recent lessons about love.

The past three weeks have been a wild ride between my friend and I.

I have to say that I have learned a lot.

Here are a few examples of what I have learned within the past month.

1.) It's a myth that it takes three weeks to learn a habit.

Habits can become instantaneous quite quickly.

The 'I love you' daily habit started without warning.

The feeling of being on fire near a love was the result of one trial learning as well.

This all came about fairly quick.

One experience of being set aflame is all it takes for those nerves to gain that memory.

Now, I can't sit near him without squirming.

2.) A relationship can come about prior to its being defined.

Whenever two people spend time together, they are in some kind of relationship.

We were in a relationship even if we were in denial about it.

It was only defined because it felt like a relationship.

That was shocking to me.

3.) Love is not about the circumstances that bring it forward: Love is about changing the circumstances to fit one's desires and needs.

This is the strangest lesson. I can't verbalize it.

If we want something bad enough, we will make it so.

The trick is being honest about what one wants and needs.

4.) Love is the most powerful emotion in the universe.

If it comes and one is ill prepared for it, there is no denying it.

It will make itself known.

One can only ignore it. It won't leave of its own accord.

Someone may drive you completely bonkers, someone may say things that make you uncomfortable, someone may worry you......

but it doesn't matter.

You want to work it out just because of the love that you feel for the other person.

I've prayed for years that he finds someone available, someone prettier, someone wealthier, and someone younger. He hasn't.

I just want him to be happy.

When I'm not around, he doesn't seem very happy.

So, I'll stay.

I would do anything for his happiness, even if it means sharing things about myself I'd prefer to keep hidden.

This must be the real thing.

The truth is that I'm not sure we will make it together as a couple.

Even so, I am still thankful for the lessons.

Love ya,

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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