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Singing

Today I am thankful for singing.

Yeah....

I put away the guitar. 

I gave up listenin' to rock n' roll. 

No more singing....

Birthday Cake

-or- Bad Girls

-or- Bang a Gong.

I'm running around singing mantras. 

Yep...
 
Ong Namo Guro Dev Namo
 
My translations for that is 'higher self tell me what in the heck I'm supposed to do before I go nuts!"
 
*****
 
 
I'm in love with my best friend of three years. 
 
I'm too scared to screw him because I'm afraid that I'm going to like it, get used to it, and he'll want to marry me and never touch me again. 
 
Yes, this has happened before. 
 
This guy.....ooh....
 
He's so clean I can eat off of him. 
 
He won't let me. 

It's not a bad thing. 

Maybe it has to do with ethics.....a rusty technique....or maybe we are incompatible and I just haven't figured it out yet. 
 
Holy crap.....what is a horny girl to do? 
 
I know....I know....I can sing! 
 
Om Kama-Deva.....  
 
 
Seriously, though, maybe I should be alone for awhile. 
 
I don't really want to be sexually rejected any more, so maybe it is best if I avoid the whole thing right now.   
 
Rejection is NOT fun. 
 


 
*****
 
As for me, I am in hiding. 
 
I've had a weird couple of days. 
 
I don't know what to do. 
 
I am depressed. 
 
I am realizing that my ex cannot possibly afford to move out by November 1.  It doesn't matter what the legal agreement says.  If the money isn't there....it is not there. 
 
He won't talk to me about it.  If we work together, maybe I can help him find the funds. 
 
He won't discuss it. 
 
It really is none of my business. 
 
He was going to move out on Monday but he hasn't packed a thing. 
 
I am steeling myself for the possibility that it is not going to happen. 
 
I can't kick him out. 
 
I can't do that to him. 
 
I couldn't do that to anybody. 
 
So....here is my solution. 
 
I'll hide from him. 
 
I'll hide from my friend.  
 
I know why I can't let go and really play around like I want to....it's weird with my ex here. 
 
It's weird not knowing if the stalker is lurking about. 
 
It is weird...
 
too weird...
 
I like flirting. 
 
I like PDA. 
 
I like a lot of things in places those things are not supposed to occur.
 
Danger is fun. 
 
If there is anything I've learned in the past couple of years is that eyes are on me when I least expect it.
 
It's going to take awhile to forget about the stalking. 
 
I'm not sure I can take this much longer. 
 
I'll keep singing.  Maybe if I do what I'm supposed to do an answer will present itself. 
 
Namaste, 
 
S. 
 
 
 
 


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