Skip to main content

Singing

Today I am thankful for singing.

Yeah....

I put away the guitar. 

I gave up listenin' to rock n' roll. 

No more singing....

Birthday Cake

-or- Bad Girls

-or- Bang a Gong.

I'm running around singing mantras. 

Yep...
 
Ong Namo Guro Dev Namo
 
My translations for that is 'higher self tell me what in the heck I'm supposed to do before I go nuts!"
 
*****
 
 
I'm in love with my best friend of three years. 
 
I'm too scared to screw him because I'm afraid that I'm going to like it, get used to it, and he'll want to marry me and never touch me again. 
 
Yes, this has happened before. 
 
This guy.....ooh....
 
He's so clean I can eat off of him. 
 
He won't let me. 

It's not a bad thing. 

Maybe it has to do with ethics.....a rusty technique....or maybe we are incompatible and I just haven't figured it out yet. 
 
Holy crap.....what is a horny girl to do? 
 
I know....I know....I can sing! 
 
Om Kama-Deva.....  
 
 
Seriously, though, maybe I should be alone for awhile. 
 
I don't really want to be sexually rejected any more, so maybe it is best if I avoid the whole thing right now.   
 
Rejection is NOT fun. 
 


 
*****
 
As for me, I am in hiding. 
 
I've had a weird couple of days. 
 
I don't know what to do. 
 
I am depressed. 
 
I am realizing that my ex cannot possibly afford to move out by November 1.  It doesn't matter what the legal agreement says.  If the money isn't there....it is not there. 
 
He won't talk to me about it.  If we work together, maybe I can help him find the funds. 
 
He won't discuss it. 
 
It really is none of my business. 
 
He was going to move out on Monday but he hasn't packed a thing. 
 
I am steeling myself for the possibility that it is not going to happen. 
 
I can't kick him out. 
 
I can't do that to him. 
 
I couldn't do that to anybody. 
 
So....here is my solution. 
 
I'll hide from him. 
 
I'll hide from my friend.  
 
I know why I can't let go and really play around like I want to....it's weird with my ex here. 
 
It's weird not knowing if the stalker is lurking about. 
 
It is weird...
 
too weird...
 
I like flirting. 
 
I like PDA. 
 
I like a lot of things in places those things are not supposed to occur.
 
Danger is fun. 
 
If there is anything I've learned in the past couple of years is that eyes are on me when I least expect it.
 
It's going to take awhile to forget about the stalking. 
 
I'm not sure I can take this much longer. 
 
I'll keep singing.  Maybe if I do what I'm supposed to do an answer will present itself. 
 
Namaste, 
 
S. 
 
 
 
 


Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004.  We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor his financial
Read more

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out
Read more