Skip to main content

Miracles

Today I am thankful for miracles.

I was sad all day. 

I honestly thought that my ex would never move out. 

I honestly was beginning to believe that I would never get to the point of actually kissing my dear friend due to residual energy of my ex on my clothes.

My clothes are in this house.

My ex is in this house.

Everything in this house smells like my ex. 

My clothes smell like my ex. 

I cannot kiss anybody when I smell my ex. 

That smell has been associated with years and years of celibacy. 

I was sad about it. 

If I cannot kiss, I cannot continue my relationship with my friend. 

I can't seduce him into trying things that would spice life up a bit. 

I was depressed. 

I was soooo depressed that I actually ate a frozen Twinkie.  

I hate snack cakes. 

They look like little phallic symbols with cream filling. 

I froze it so I couldn't bite into it. 

I wanted to take my sweet time eating the caloric monster. 

I sucked on it.

Every suck made me cry. 

My ex watched the spectacle of the sobbing diet sabotage. 

So, my ex took pity on me and we struck an agreement.

This was the agreement. 

He will borrow $3,000 from the retirement account to move out of the house within the next two weeks. 

He will pay it back in $300 increments. 

If he can't do that, he'll give me that amount from the huge tax refund he's going to get because I put off the divorce until January. 

Sigh....

I feel so much lighter and happier. 

I'm going to stay positive. 

Wow....

Positive thinking works (in conjunction with sucking frozen phallic symbols while crying toxic tears of self-pity)!!!

I'm hoping the smudging stick works to get rid of the smell on my clothes, the house, and my car. 

Maybe things will work out after all.

Love ya,

S. 

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...
Read more

Time and Trauma

  Today I am thankful for stories; they are often the easiest teaching tool.  The other day I had an interesting conversation with a social worker.  She complained that one of her patients was stuck at a certain year -  let's say... 2008.  This man talks about 2008 constantly.  He shares photos of 2008 and letters of 2008.  I asked her, what happened that year?  Well, three members of his family died.  His best friend died in front of his eyes.  His spouse died.  He lost his home.   The man was wealthy.   Sadly, the evil eye is real.  Covetousness is real.  The U.S. justice system enables abusive lawyers to swoop in and take control of the wealth of well-to-do elders.  There were fights over his assets**.   The lawyers threw him out of his numerous homes.  The man was then homeless while everything went through probate and the relatives fought over the estate.   His wealth ...
Read more