The Cops Are Right

Today I am thankful because the cops are right about my situation.

 

 

 

So the man in the basement swears up and down, almost to the point of violence, that he is not stalking me at all.  The cops say he is the only person with the motivation to stalk me. 

The stalker is annoying other people.  He makes me laugh until someone tells me that he approached them with my picture and threatens them unless they tell him where I am. 

Now, I don't pay attention to people following me.  If you touch me, I'll deck ya.  If someone says something stupid, I'll laugh. 

The last stalker looked like my estranged spouse, only a little younger.  I really didn't stare into his face.  I took off like a banshee into a crowd of businessmen because I wasn't comfortable near this creepy guy. 

I'm beginning to think the guy was an in-law.  I mean, he looks just like my estranged spouse when he was younger.  I have no clue who he is.  They are the same height.  They have the same eye color.  They wore the same clothes.  They had similar voices.  The stalker was a little thinner. 

Maybe he had a friend follow me that day.  I don't know. 

My colleagues, former professors, former work-mates and former office mates all described my estranged spouse when detailing the stalker.  So, maybe my spouse is the guy approaching third parties.  Maybe he only has his friend or relative approach me. 

When I confronted him with what the police officers said, he tried to blame my high school sweetheart who lives 500+ miles away.  Mind you, my old friend had a broken leg at the time, so if he were up and about annoying people I would have probably cheered him on. 

He can't do anything remotely scary without looking cute.  He's like John Cleese.  No matter how serious this guy is, you can't get scared.  He's too much fun.  It's not to say he can't be mean, he can.  He just isn't the scary kind of obnoxious. 

My old friend is not my stalker.  If he wants to know what I'm doing, all he has to do is call but, in all reality, no man can pull himself away from the hotties this guy probably attracts to himself to make such a boring phone call.  It's not HIM.  

 

 

Then he blamed his mother.  She's in her seventies.  She claims to be blind.  She has multiple sclerosis.  Her husband is dying.  It's not her. 

 

 

Then he blamed his cousin.  I have caught her stalking me.  She's mean.  She's nasty.  She's nosey.  She's jealous.  She spreads malicious gossip.  She gave up harassing me when she had a baby and got a divorce.  If this single mother has the time to stalk me, I'd buy her coffee and ask her to sit down and take a break.   

 

Then he blamed his sister.  I have also caught her stalking us.  She used to like to sit in my car and wait for me without my knowledge.  She used to follow us on dates.  She used to menace the neighbors with her handgun.  She used to call thirty times an hour to beg me to drop out of school because it made her look bad to have someone "outperform" her.  She hasn't called since January because our phones don't work and I won't answer the phone unless someone leaves an answering machine message.  Screening calls really kills phone harassment.  I should've done that sooner. 

Besides, she was actually in one of those supermarket variety rags that poor people use for toilet paper a few weeks ago.  I don't think she has time to be my stalker.  She's better than me.  Yep, finally she has done something that I've never done.  She has a claim to fame that I don't.  Yep, I've never had a color picture published in a national weekly gossip magazine before....never!!!  Her picture was in color.  My pictures have all been in black and white (if you don't count the local paper...shhhh.....).

I can never outperform her on that!!!

Shannon only wants to be the best thing since white bread. 

And, you know what, she is better than white bread.  . 

And so are you. 

White bread is horrid. 

I don't think these people are trying to stalk me now.  I think his sister and cousin were trying to be cute, or funny, nosey and annoying.  I think they wanted to spread malicious gossip and lies.  I'm not sure they want to stalk me now.   If they are stalking me, it is because they want to help their relative. 

That is what is confusing.  Some people say my the stalker claims to be my sister.  Other people are certain that my stalker is a dark haired, tall man.  Either way, it is creepy.  It is confusing.   

If he weren't my stalker, why would he lie, scream, yell, controll, and act like a bat out of hell? 

Speaking of lies, I have finally caught on to the way the man in the basement lies. 

 

It took me twenty-one years!!! 

 

He plays a game of semantics.  We have argued for years over certain stupid crap he says when he rages at me.  He usually says things like

 

I don't want you to work because you'll meet other men and leave me. 

 

I don't want you to go to school because you'll meet other men and leave me.
 

I wanted to get you knocked up so you won't meet other men and leave me.
 

Now, curiously, he isn't threatened with me yelling at politicians and acting like a major biotch in public.  Apparently that is one thing that I am allowed to do because it repels other men. 

 

Alrighty then....

 

Then, he'll deny saying those things.  He'll say he blacked out.  I was beginning to think that he was psychotic. 

 

 

I was actually beginning to think that the Gods misunderstood me twenty-two years ago when I said I wanted an erotic partner.  I thought that perhaps they sent me a psychotic partner because I didn't enunciate properly during my prayers. 

 

 

It finally dawned on me that he denied saying these things because I didn't quote him perfectly.  He did admit to sabotaging my efforts to work or go to school because he is afraid that I will meet other men and leave. 

 

I think he's playing the same game with the stalking.  I'm not asking the right question. 

 

He says he is not the stalker yet I get followed when I am meeting other men for social, business or other reasons.  It is to the flippin' point of considering hiring an actor to pretend to make out in front of other people so I can give my stalker a show.  That must be what he wants. 

 

Hey Bubba, let me entertain you!!!

 

Okay, that is not what pissed me off today. 

 

Yesterday, he asked my opinion about friending his sister on Facebook for the purposes of keeping on eye on her page because he swears up and down that she is my stalker.  I told him not to do that unless he wants a relationship with her. 

 

He promised me he wouldn't friend her under an alias.  He promised to be honest and straight-forward with her.  He promised not to harass her and possibly piss her off to the point that she brings her loaded pistol in my vicinity.  She has, in the past, threatened my former neighbors with her gun. 

They were so freaked out.  Thankfuly we moved.
 

I went into the basement and saw that he didn't keep his word.  He tried to friend her and subscribed to her page while using an alias!!! 

 

He's trying to stalk the person he claims is stalking me. 

 

Just like he tried to stalk my high school sweetheart. 

 

Damn it!! 

 

So.....I'm going to do what a friend told me to do a few months ago. 

 

I'm going to rent the Bourne Identity movies.  I'm going to try to find ways to act like a crazy, secretive, scary person being chased by other crazy, secretive, scary people.  I'm going to eat a lot of garlic and burp on people that freak me out. 

 

I'm not going to give any of these emotional vampires more of my energy.  I've had my fill of bull. 

 

Seriously, I've had it. 

I'm trying to get out of this without asking for alimony.  He's not cooperating with me.  I'm not even sure I can stick around long enough to find a civil solution. 

I'm starting to get very frightened. 

And, sadly, we had a domestic shooting in my neighborhood over the weekend.  The officers managed to save the wife's life but her landlord and parents were not so lucky.  As critical as I have been with the politicians in my city, I do have tremendous respect for our police officers.  It's sad that they have to take orders from idiots living in a fantasy world.  If one of our officers wants to run for office, I'll do what I can to support him or her.  If more real people ran, the world would be a better place. 
 

Love ya,

 

S.