Today I am thankful for my new look.
I had to leave the house today. I can't remember why but it had to be done.
What I needed was at Wally World, so I took my old beat up wreck to Wal-Mart.
My vehicle started smoking in the parking lot.
I have no clue why.
It's got nearly 200,000 miles on it. It's almost toast. I think it's supposed to smoke once in a while.
Now, I go in the store and there is this really hot guy staring at me.
He's following me around.
I put bizarre Mexican juices in my cart. He did, too.
Guava....
Strawberry Mango...
I must have bought all the Soursop.
He followed me to the frozen fruit.
He followed me to the isle with the fresh grapefruit and ginger.
We had so much fun stuff in our carts.
Then he had to go get taco mix in the noodle aisle.
Taco mix?
Really?
Oh, if I were single I'd tell you him how it's done...a little cilantro, a little oregano, a lot of chili pepper, onion, cumin and parsley.
Cilantro and parsley are aphrodisiacs. You can't have one without the other.
Sigh....
He watched as I picked out some roses and candles for my altar to Aphrodite.
He followed me to the cash register. He put his items on the register behind mine. He finished up before I did and took off toward the parking lot.
He sat in his truck in the aisle across from mine and watched as I loaded everything up. He sat there watching.
It was weird.
I must've looked hot or something.
I must've really had it going on.
Wow...I felt really hot for a fleeting moment.
What the heck?
I sat there confused.
This never happens to me.
Ever.....
What was going on?
Then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the rear view mirror.
I had forgotten to wear make-up. When I don't wear make-up, I have no eyelashes. None....
I have a zit. I have an icky, yucky, horrid zit right on top of my third eye.
I dyed my hair black but the color is fading.
I forgot to clean my thick eyeglasses.
My coat has no zipper, so it won't stay closed.
My top was a little too low cut.
And I think he could see my undies from beneath my white pants.
My underwear has a cupcake pattern. Yes, there are little painted chocolate cupcakes with artsy red icing printed all over my bra and panties.
It is a Valentine Design. Hey...one can get hopeful, ya know!
I think I know why he didn't stop at the bakery. He'll probably never want to see a cupcake again.
I bet I was a sight he had never seen before!
It's not everyday you see a zit filled old white lady with opaque see through skin,
jet black hair with red highlights,
a kunkuman,
sporting light colored pants and letting the world see her underthings that were printed with a dessert pattern,
in a store, buying Mexican food and exotic fruit.
Ole!
I'm really hoping he was NOT a photographer for the Wal-Martians fashion fail list.
Well, I guess I can cross getting ogled by a guy off my bucket list.
Someone stared. It happened.
May it never happen again.
And, I bet driving away in my van with smoke coming out of the hood didn't stop his staring either. He sat there until I pulled onto the highway.
I've got to pull myself together!!
I'm going to get committed or arrested or something.
Love ya,
S.