Today, I am thankful for my ability to catch on to games.
I realize why I wasn't in such a hurry to leave this place.
Men are, quite often, painfully demanding.
'Tis better to be alone than with some guy that thinks you ought to jump through hoops to impress him.
It's a shame.
It could have been hot.
I'm supposed to impress him?
How do I do that?
Fake eyelashes?
Fake boobs?
Fake Bottom? They actually have undies with padding to make women look curvy.
Fake smell?
Fake hair?
Do I buy a girdle?
Am I supposed to paint myself from head to toe?
Am I supposed to pretend to be someone I'm not?
Do I buy contact lenses to make my green eyes blue?
If I did that, then I'd be fake.
I'm heartbroken.
Love ya,
S.
Edit sometime later:
Could it have been projection?
If he expects me to be tripping over myself anxiously trying to impress him, could that be what he is doing?
He needs to stop that.
He had me when he started glowing the day he first laid eyes on me. That is a heck of a compliment and one I rarely get.
Twenty months ago, I walked into a coffee shop around 1:00 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon. This man looked up from his lunch and his jaw dropped. I swear he started glowing. He looked almost angelic as he motioned for me to take the seat in front of him.
He was himself.
It was adorable.
When we met for coffee a few months later because I mistook him for another friend, I liked him the most when he let his fear go and started acting silly. I had a great time talking to him. He had a way of making the most asinine political idea sound funny. He gave me the strength to continue to poke fun at politicians who rip us off in the same of helping the community. He's right...it is a big fat joke...and, sadly, that joke is often on the taxpayer.
It made my speeches a heck of a lot more entertaining. My jokes were quoted in the newspaper. How could I not love the fact that this guy could put fun energy into a political chore?
Then there was the time I drove by him as he sat on the grass. He was himself. How could I not like that?
I don't want a fake person. That is what brought me where I am today. I married someone who lied about who he was. He lied about what he wanted. I feel betrayed. The betrayals keep coming. I never thought I'd ever be open to love again. There are days when I'm not sure I can be. I'm working on it.
Please...whoever you are...be the person you are.
As for my friend:
I am impressed by how much he loves his daughter.
I am impressed by how much he respects his mother.
I am impressed that he is a good listener, that he holds the door open for old women (including me), that he doesn't complain if I want to pay the check, and that he sends thank you texts when he's had a lot of fun.
I'm impressed that he doesn't freak out when exposed to my scary driving. He can calmly sit there, looking at his smart phone, while asking me (in the most polite manner available) if I see the sea of brake lights a few feet in front of me as I'm speeding down the highway.
I'm impressed that when I get lost, he can help me correct my course and get home safely.
Heck, I'm impressed he didn't vomit after eating my Chanel No 5 flavored breath mints. That's not something they make. This is what happens when Altoids sit in my purse for three years. My ex took one and said it tasted like me, so I threw the mints out. I got rid of the perfume. I wear Estee Lauder fragrances now.
Actually, I'm impressed that he didn't vomit from sitting in my car. I spilled a frappe in there a long time ago and I'm not sure I got all the milk out of the carpet. I can't sit in there without losing a little tummy acid.
It is those little things that he does, that he may not know that he does, that make me adore him.
I'm not sure we'll end up together, but, whoever he ends up with will love him for those little things that make him special, like the way his face lights up when he talks about nerdy stuff.
Be yourself - that's all a real woman wants.