Today, I am thankful for information.
Forgive me as I try to sort it out here.
Let's see....I found out that he has a $100,000 life insurance policy on me. It's not enough to murder me for but it would pay off most of the $120,000 mortgage.
He doesn't have one on himself.
I woke up and found that he had put a budget on the kitchen table.
He claims he brings home a little over $2,600 per month after taxes. He doesn't have a line item expense for groceries. He makes it look like we're broke.
The bankruptcy judge said he brought home a little over $3,000 a month and had at least $1,500 in disposable income.
I'm confused.
He promised me he'd help me divorce him once he found a job, so for four years I stuck around to help him find a job. I put on fake smiles. I networked. I ignored my feelings for another.
He was hired last February, at which point he hid all of our assets, stopped paying the bills, seized control of the bank account and demanded that I stay with him for the sake of the kids. It was bad. Local politicians even got in my face over it telling me that it was unethical to get divorced, even if a guy was abusing you.
He wants me to stick around and play housewife. I can't figure out how to do that without access to the bank accounts.
I am terrified about the stalking. I figure that if I leave, it'll get bad for a little while and then stop when he finds a new girlfriend. If I stay, it will go on another twenty years.
I still don't get the stalking. I have a photo of the last guy who harassed me at work. It is my sister-in-law's fiance. I only know him by the name of Doug. He hails from a town called Golden. He is about 6' tall, likes to wear black and is a little heavy set. He has a compulsion to touch things, at least that is what the people he harassed in my office building told me.
When he ran into me on the street, he grabbed my shoulder.
The family says he is trying to convert me to is religion. Most of the stalking is religious based but since most everyone in the family is Catholic, so why is he bugging me?
Maybe this is a family affair and they are using religion as an excuse. It does explain the religious stuff left on my porch.
Mike is going to spend Sunday with them; he's excited about meeting my stalker. I don't know if he's going to threaten him or scheme with him.
I thought he had no contact with his dysfunctional family. I've been informed that this is not true. His cousin, who was a good friend in high school, talks to him on a daily basis. My brother-in-law says that she relays everything back to them. That's how they knew where I was going and what I was doing.
I'm terrified.
I need to leave....pronto.
I spent some time reading the recent research on stalker behavior and stalker studies. It pegs him to a 't'. He says he'll kill himself if I leave. He says our relationship is all he lives for. He wants to keep me safe.
It's him.
I'm begging him to call the police before engaging his sister. He swears she and her beau are the stalkers. If they were, why would he give them information about me.
It has got to be him.
If I work, he'll stalk me. I need to divorce before I get a job.
This is the catch 22. How do I afford a divorce if I am terrified to go to work and how do I go to work if I'm terrified my husband and his family will stalk me?
Now, our legal entanglement ends in mid-March. I'm going to try to get legal help before then.
I'm looking for a trailer to live in. It's time to cut my losses. I found one for $2,500 in a city five miles away from the town I grew up in. It doesn't have any heat but I could live there.
I could really use a friend.
So, this is family drama.....trailer trash style.
My family of origin was upper middle class. My uncle paid for his huge house in cash. My grandfather didn't use credit cards. We paid cash for everything.... including cars. We worked for everything. It was a sin NOT to work twelve hours a day. Even the housewives worked (e.g. laundry, childcare, volunteering).
Life insurance policies were much larger than $100,000.
This crap is petty.
This guy....he's turned me into trailer trash. That trailer costs less than the guitars I had to sell to survive in this bad marriage. My Steinberger was worth $3,000. My custom Peavey made with some rare wood from Hawaii cost $4,000. I gave that one to a man Mike bullied to help him with the cost of rehabilitation as he turned to drugs to cope. He was a bass player for a local band, it was the only thing of value I could give him. He had to sell it but at least he knew what it was worth.
I'm not happy.
I don't want to ever enter into a relationship with a man creating negative karma in my life. I need someone who gives a crap about other people. No more selfish piggies for me....ever!
I should mention that he quit therapy when he was told he had a narcissistic personality. I don't think he's going back and I really fear the fall out now. He has no one to help him work through the death of his father. His family wouldn't let him attend the funeral. They lied about his father's health.
I know he's going to take it out on me.
I have told people about the stalking. I have mentioned the gps box in public. I keep this blog, so if I wind up dead people will know what was going on. I feel crazy for it but if I talk about it, answers will come.
I am paranoid. Someone came to the door banging on it earlier today. When I answered, no one was there. No one was one the block. There were no notes on the door. Why would someone do that?
The thing that makes me cry is the stalking. He knows about it yet he refuses to stop it. His family really can't be stalking me without his permission. He blames them. The cops blame him.
I side with the cops.
I just want to get away now.
Love ya,
S.