Today I am thankful for my underwear.
Stupid, eh?
I used to buy them at Khols and Ross when I had my own money. My favorite brand is St. Eve.
The problem, now, is that I can't get dressed without noticing the name.
The first time I noticed the name, I was in a movie theater restroom. There was the smell of popcorn in the air, my joy at finally not squirming after a long two hour movie, and knowing that there was a handsome blue eyed friend waiting for me outside.....
whose name is in my underwear.
At the time I reasoned that his name was on the one place he did NOT want to be.
Now, I'm beginning to believe that I was wrong.
He didn't seem to like the fact that I had kids.
He didn't seem to like the fact that I still have a lawyer and drama.
I think my driving scares the holy heck out of him.
I used a new shampoo that stripped the color out of my hair. I swear it looked pink that day.
I used to be a size eight.
He has met with me when I wore a size 12 .
I looked like crap the last time he saw me.
Sitting with him, he said something that caused me to water the trees with the wine I used to drink.
I don't drink anymore.
I sleep at least four hours every night.
I'm trying to take control of the crazy crap being thrown at me which I don't know whether or not to write about.
He's changed my life.
He's got me seriously thinking about taking a communication class to be more open.
The man has truly changed my world in the eighteen months he's been in it.
I'm confused.
He notices that I am easily distracted. I thought he didn't like that about me.
He notices that I have anxiety about driving. I thought he didn't like that about me.
I'm terrified that he has gotten the attention of the creepy stalker. I thought that would keep him away.
He seems kind of guarded, so it wouldn't seem like him to tell me he feels a certain way and not mean it.
Maybe there is someone else with my name and he wrote on the wrong female's Facebook page.
You see, this is the craziest thing.
I have another friend with his name. This was how we met. My other friend had agoraphobia and was seeking help. They both had a Gadsen Flag as their avatars on a popular social networking website.
When I received a message from a man with that name inviting me out to coffee, I thought it was my agoraphobic friend doing so at the instruction of his therapist (who is a friend of mine). He was married at the time. I accepted knowing that I'd be there for him if he started to get anxious.
Then it turned out to be my new friend. He was fun. He was witty. He was full of innuendo. I caught him looking at my backside.
He sees right through me.
I didn't think he was interested, though. We both have mutual friends, some of whom are close to my estranged spouse. I figured they'd have talked some sense into him.
Last month, my formerly agoraphobic friend called me and gave me advice. He said to stay with my spouse because it would be hard to find any man interested in me. I took that to heart. I still think I need to leave but honestly believe that no one in their right mind could ever love me.
Then my new friend proclaimed his feelings in public.
No one is criticizing me for that. My ex is bawling his eyes out. His sister and brother are calling over here playing phone theater to waste my time and energy but no one is angry at me for worrying about hurting my new friend's feelings.
I cry a lot. I'm worried about my friend.
Love? How in the world does this happen?
Maybe I stared into his eyes a little too long.
No man has ever proclaimed his love for me until he saw me naked....ever.
I don't look the way I used to look, either. I used to turn men to stone...now I probably will just make men go blind with just one glance.
Sigh.....
the problem is that love doesn't die an easy death. I have so much to ponder now.
I think I need to get rid of the underwear. They've now become a subliminal reminder of a man I'm trying to do right by.
Maybe it's time to go with Hanes.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. Let me explain "Phone Theater" to you.
We have two phone lines.
My in-laws like to call one of the phone lines and set their phone down while not saying a word. So, what happens is I will answer, they won't say anything and if I hang up they're still on the other line. Until they hang up, I can't get a dial tone.
On Thursday, they did that every hour or so. Then they called Mike and pretended like I hung up on them every time they called.
I don't use the other phone line because of the phone harassment. Taking the advice of a PI, I bought an answering machine and hooked it on that other line. I got two messages from my brother-in-law claiming that his father was just told he had less than 24 hours to live. You could hear a woman coaching him as to what to say and when to hang-up.
I was able to find Mike and have him call his brother within a half an hour. When he called back, my sister-in-law answered the phone and refused to let him talk to anyone. She also claimed his father died several hours earlier.
His parents used to call over here demanding that I come to their home to clean it for them. His mother would claim being abused by her son and daughter. She said they made her provide free daycare and refused to pay or help her. She said they took her money. Mike tried to call his parents but claims that every time he calls his parents, his sister answers the phone and refuses to let him speak to his parents.
Then, his sister and brother go to third parties and tell them that I'm evil and won't let Mike have a relationship with his elderly parents.
Yesterday, his sister blocked him on Facebook.
He is hurting.
I've been told that I have to hold myself beneath his sister because she's a grade-A narcissist. Actually, the mom, the sister and my ex are narcissistic. Sometimes, should a narcissist sees you as competition, he or she will have people stalk you. I really did not know she was in the tabloids due to her 300 pound weight loss. I found out when I ego-searched my name to see what the press was saying about me and stumbled on her story in the news. Our names are very similar I felt bad.
It doesn't help that after I wrote a blog entry about not having a color photo of me in a paper this year, one was published the next day because I was at the state house on the first day of session. Ooops......that was an accident and in my defense, I wore a hat so no one would know who I was!
People know me by my hair. It fell out of the hat, so my disguise didn't work. I tried not to steal her thunder. I really tried!
That's probably why she unfriended her brother. She has said that she has to be the only person with our last name to be a success. We have a horribly common last name. I couldn't count the number of celebrities with our name on my hands. There was even a rock song about someone with our name. She's stupid if she thinks she's the only person with our name to do anything great.
She's beat me. Heck, I will never, ever be in a position to lose 300 pounds. She will always have that success on me!
Still, the crazy stalking crap, the stealing money, the lies, the deceit, the arguing over who gets the moldy old house....I can't take it anymore.
This is one reason I need to leave. We have not relationship anyway due to the lies, harassment and meddling of his family. I am the scapegoat. It's not a role I play very well.
They called over here several times claiming that my father-in-law lay dying and that I needed to hunt down Mike and have him call them. Then they claimed he died before they called in an effort to hurt him. Something is weird here. I can't find his father listed in any of the morgues or mortuaries nor can I find an obituary. I hate to say it but maybe it is time for Mike to call the local county human services division and express his concerns about elder abuse.
Who keeps their elderly parents away from their siblings? I'm sad for all of them.
I do save the phone messages. I guess I'll just turn those over to the authorities and let it go.
Cheerio!