Purple Henna and Cling Wrap

Today I am thankful for hair color.

I do have to say something rather vain.

I finally found the secret to dark brown hair. It is burgundy henna cooked on my head for eight hours. My hair has been almost black for three weeks now.
It also straightened my hair.
YUCK!

There is one problem.

NO ONE takes me seriously with black hair.

People jump when redheads speak. People try to sweet talk brunettes.

This is certainly new to me.

If I put a little lemon juice on my hair, it'll be red by morning.

I'm seriously considering it.

I need people to do stuff.
I need to be ME!

I will be in a room with my activist buddies tomorrow. I want them to recognize me. I want them to help me decide which battles to take on and which ones to jettison.

I want to be the quiet, smiling, scheming redhead in the room again. I want people to know who I am when I speak.

Everyone knows me.

I like it that way.

It seems like the universe is prepping me for some kid of fight.

Ring the bell....

I'm in.

Love ya,

S.

Next Day Edit: Well, the lemon juice trick worked.

My hair is dark golden brown with red highlights.

But....but....but....

I missed my meeting with my fellow activists.

I did not go.

My ex-invited himself along.

There are days when I think of him as cling wrap.

He didn't invite himself along because he's a fan of Austrian Economics.

He said that he invited himself along.....so.....so....he knows that I am safe.

Ugh....

ugh....

ugh....

that's probably the attitude that started the stalking in the first place.

I have to go to a speech from my former employer on Saturday.

Please.....please.....universe.....please......allow me to go alone!

Please!!!!

I need my former employer's job reference!!!

Yeah....I was offered a chance to interview for a well paying job in the criminal justice field.

It does seem like things are starting to be clarified in my life.

Wow....my ex-husband may be getting a job in Oregon.

I could make enough money to support my family and stay here.

It's amazing how things shift when we remove negativity and doubt from our lives.

I just hope....I just hope....I can find an educational support for my daughter. I'd hate to have to give up all these wonderful opportunities just because the local school district doesn't want to deal with bullies....

That's okay....I'm thinking of challenging one of my friends for his school board seat now.

We'll see.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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