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Why Lovers Bully


Today I am thankful that I have more clarity on what was happening between Steve and I.




I'm not sure I have a lot of time to write about it today.

I'm not sure the issue is narcissism.  I do think it has more to do with childhood issues than a personality disorder. 


I'll try to come back to the post to clean it up.


Typically, Steve would send me nasty demanding emails, break up with me or complain after he had conversations with his mother.  They seem to be an enmeshed family.

Steve sent me several emails claiming that I didn't honor his requests.  When I asked him about it, he said he wrote those because his mother made him eat potatoes.

Yes...I know...one's mother cannot make anyone eat anything. 

I think most parents learn that lesson when they have a toddler in the house.  You can put something in their mouth but that doesn't mean they'll swallow.


It's the same with bullying.  People can bully us but we don't have to swallow.

 It is up to us to internalize their nastiness.  

I'll leave a link here for you to read.  If I have time I'll expound on it. 


*****

This is why I am not ready for a relationship.  Right now, my life is in turmoil.  I cannot take on another person's pain.  I can't.  I should not feel sad or guilty for walking away from emotional abuse. 

http://www.drtesta.com/book_excerpt.htm

When I read the first anecdote, I really feel that pain.  I feel like it would be impossible to please someone like Steve.  Nothing I did was good enough. 

The fact that he runs to his mother or Facebook with every complaint, it makes it hard for me to want to do anything for him.  I had to let go.  Even if it pains me, I need to stay away. 


I'm going to buy this book, too.   Maybe it'll save me pain in the future.

*****
So now the question becomes...... why did I tolerated the obnoxious behavior at all?  Why did I tolerate it from Michael?  Why did I tolerate it from Steve?

I'll have to do some soul searching there.  

Something within me made me leave.  I need to find that part of my persona and augment her.


Love ya,


S. 

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