Livin' the Chaos Free Life

Today I am thankful for living the chaos free life.

Perhaps I am overstating this a little bit. I had a chaos free day.

I've been volunteering at the homeless shelter. I was the babysitter. Today the kids wanted to have a singing contest. They all won.

The children sing and dance like angels. I love hearing them sing about being beautiful. I love watching them sing and dance while pointing at other kids telling them that 'they are gold.'

Yes, I want them to know that they can fly.

It is a beautiful experience.

*****

Let me tell you....

I didn't realize how difficult it was living with constant accusations until I didn't have to defend myself anymore.

I like this life.

I like being away from the chaos.

It is a blessing.

*****

I hate feeling like I am judging narcissists, bullies, psychopaths, sociopaths and other meanies.....the label doesn't matter, I guess.

What matters is how I feel around them.

I can't stand walking around on eggshells worried about the impression that I am making.

I can't stand worrying about my ugly car and how it makes people look when I drive them around in it. It takes a lot of my time and energy.

I wish I knew the magic trick to neutralize the criticism.

I don't.

*****

I do know how to get a timid child to sing louder and to know that her voice counts. When she sings and dances to the song in her heart, she is truly showing the world her beauty.

That is where I will spend as much time as I can. I would prefer to build children up than allow an older person to tear me down.

Life is good when I give. It is in the giving that one truly gets something.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Love ya lots,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004. We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor his financial

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out

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