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Never Give Up

Today I am thankful for fate. 


I was beginning to think that I would be stuck in this situation with my ex-husband for the foreseeable future.


He was offered the chance to interview for the traveling sales job headquartered in the Pacific Northwest. 


He was basically promised the job by the CEO of the corporation.



Maybe.....just maybe.....fate will force my hand. 


*****


I am still angry over allowing myself to be abused in front of the children.

I taught them to put up with it. 


I put up with it. 

I put up with it from Steve. 


Steve never hit me. 

He just sent me crazy, wacky, emotionally abusive emails that took a long time to answer.  They took a lot of energy to deal with.  I can't believe I allowed that to happen. 


When he started to lie about me on Facebook, I realized it was only going to get worse. 


I'm sad.


It helps realizing that some men believe that it is normal to behave this way.


It is hard for me to embrace the concept that I do not have to love and respect everyone.


I do not have to love a man who breaks my heart every couple of weeks.


I MUST cut off men who do not appreciate me. 


I MUST cut off men who try to hurt me.


I MUST cut off from men who try to embarrass me in public.


I'm struggling with this. 


I can see my daughter struggle with this, too. 


*****

I am so afraid to date that I notice myself chugging down a lot of sugary coffees.  I've gained 15 pounds since September.


It's time for me to stop eating. 


Men still ask me out when I'm a size 12. 


My knees don't hurt so much when I'm thinner.


I need a guy who likes to hike and screw. 

I'd be thinner then. 


I'm just not ready. 


Love ya,


S. 





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