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Finding the Fake Facebook Account

Today I am thankful that I found a fake Facebook account. 


It sent me this message last Friday. 


Friday was the day I used to visit with Steve. 

The message read:


  • Someone misses you so much, it's not your family nor your relatives. It's not even your bestfriend nor your closest pal. Its just the simple ordinary me, who misses the extraordinary.
    6:18 PM




Sigh.....

This is why I choose to be alone. 

*****

Last night the coven did a Full Moon Happiness Ritual for me.  Part of that involved me writing about all the bullshit I've been going through. 

I've written about it quite a bit. 

I wrote about it here. 

Last night, I was supposed to burn my writings in a black candle.


Well....I need my laptop. 


I didn't do that. 

I just imagined all the bullshit burning away.

I think it helped. 

Then I was supposed to light a rose scented candle and imagine nothing but positivity taking the place of the baloney. 


I was warned that my dreams would clue me in to the things that bring me happiness. 


*******


My dreams were weird. 


First, I dreamt that Thomas was watching me dance in a coffee shop.


Then, I dreamt that I was visiting with him at Christmas with a belated birthday card.  I was apologizing because I try to find coffee cups for him with positive themes on them. 

As I kid, I always bought him snarky Hallmark coffee cups.  I have a lot of guilt about that.  Every time I see a happy and positive one, I buy it for him.  In this dream, I don't have anything for him except a Hallmark card with $100 in it. 

Maybe......that was my happiest relationship.  I was pretty sad because my grandmother and dad died while I was dating him.  He never upset me.  My life was weird back then.

Maybe a healthy and supportive relationship is what I need the most.  I had that with Thomas.


I'm still not sure we'd get along.  I'm not his type.

He's good looking.  I'm not. 


He's a very steady person.  He knows what he wants.  He knows the path he needs to walk to get there.  He's steady.  He rarely veers from that path. 

I'm like a puppy dog with ADHD.  I see so many interesting things to do that I get lost in the new experiences.  Oh...I want that job....then another job....then a third job.  Today I want to start a homeless shelter, tomorrow I may want to be a senator, and who knows what I'll want to try to do next year?

I don't think we can get along. 


I don't think I am relationship material because I am so versatile.  I'm not sure a guy who knows what he wants would be interested in someone like me. 

The dream wasn't necessarily about Thomas.  I think it was about what I want in a relationship. 


I just don't think I'll ever be ready for one. 

That realization hurts. 


Love ya,

S. 









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