The Meaning of Stalking

Today I am thankful for sleepless nights that make me face reality.

 

 

The reality is that I am stuck with my ex-husband.

 

 

It doesn't matter if he moves out, he'll always be here.

 

 

That is what stalking is, isn't it?

 

 

It is a continuation of a relationship that should have stopped long ago.  It should have ended in 1994 when I asked him not to move into my apartment.  His sister started hassling the landlord.  Then someone broke into my apartment.  I was evicted because of the harassment.  I was desperate for a place to live, so I wound up renting a house from my ex-husband's family.  It was a house that I refused to rent several times prior to that.

 

The stalking got worse from that point.

 

I will never be free unless I move far away or he dies.

 

I wake up in a heart pounding sweat.  I have panic attacks in the middle of the night to the point of actually fearing that I am having a heart attack. 

 

I realize, though, that I am stuck.

 

This man took my life savings.  $79,000 gone without my knowledge.  I have no real career.  I cannot access the money given to me during the divorce.  Getting little things is difficult.  I have to find the means to repair my car.  Damn....this guy has really set me up to fail.

 

I fear advertising my services due to the antics of my sister-in-law.  She will hassle my clients, my roommates, and other tenants.  She has done so in the past, often recruiting third parties to do her bidding.  It takes me months to identify the perpetrator.  I know it is connected to her because she's the only idiot in the world who stalks to get her way.  It would be cheaper and easier to talk but this woman doesn't seem to get that. 

 

In talking to Mike, I am realizing that he complains to people in his family about me. As a result, they (usually his sister) decide to take action in an attempt to force me to comply with the way they feel things ought to be.  The problem is that I do not know what they want.  How can I comply with demands that I do not understand?

 

I feel like I am giving up hope.  I am closing my business because there is no point in renting an office I cannot use.  I am contemplating ending my relationship with Steve because I cannot foresee a future with anyone not being tinged by the stalking. 

 

Michael wins.

 

It hurts me when I hear Michael will not date anyone else.  That tells me that the stalking will last the rest of my life. 

 

I am actually considering suicide.  I don't know.  I could leave the stalking that way but my children will be stuck here with a neglectful abuser.

 

I am incredibly proud of myself.  I nearly conjured a demon to go after Shannon.  I still might.  If it is a choice between life or death, I may use dark magick to fight the darkness.

 

Perhaps it is the only way.

 

Yes, I am a witch.  I do use magick to connect with various types of entities (e.g. djinn, vampires, incubi, watchers and so on).  The djinn usually like to fulfill impossible small wishes that I don't know I make, like getting great parking spaces during the Christmas shopping season or finding a dress I really want marked down to $1.  I never know what they want in return, so I fear making huge wishes.  I don't ask to win the lotto. 

I do dream of the djinn.  In the dreams, they tell me that the only reason they want to help humans is that they like the experience of joy.  I am no longer joyful and I am bringing down the djinn.  I've got to stop that.

Truth be told, I don't like conjuring entities to do my dirty work.  It never turns out well.  I never know if it is coincidence when someone that hurts me winds up with a broken hip, wrist, leg, or worse.  The worst occurrence was my father-in-law who wound up dead before my black candle burned out; I was casting a spell to stop a man from driving by the house and stalking me.  My ex-husband, after the death of his father, identified his father as the mysterious driver.

 

Pictures of my father-in-law's funeral were posted online.  That was how I identified the remainder of my stalkers.  Well, actually, unless Mike's uncle went on a diet, I am still not sure who was watching a male hypnotist and I have coffee back in 2009. 

 

Needless to say, I am LIVID that these people have chosen to target me. 

 

*****

 

I wish I could find a way to solve this issue by noon today.

 

I wonder if Ifrit read blogs?

 

Oh well, I am off to a political event where there are many budding politicians and lawyers.  Perhaps one of them well want to offer me advice.  You'd be surprised how many have noticed my change in demeanor.  I have been told how to get my ex-husband evicted from the house without a lawyer.  The problem is that I do NOT know how to keep his family away from me.

Mike's family tends to leave me alone when he is here.  It is only when he is away that the phone calls, drive-bys and other crap ensue.  If I evict him, it may be a death sentence.

 

There has got to be a solution that does not involve magick and creating metaphysical havoc.

 

I need to find that. 

 

Love ya,

 

S.