Sampson Dreams & Crazy Things

Today I am thankful for the crazy things that people say and do which betray them.

Steve is trying very hard to help me fix up my life.

My liberty loving friends are trying to empower me to stay safe. 

My friends are helping me buy a 9 mm Glock.  I found the gun in hot pink.  I have this horrid fear of losing a loaded gun.  There is no way in heck I'd lose a pink one.

Steve set me up for martial arts lessons. 

Still based on his latest feedback, I need marital arts lessons.  I need to learn how to be more rhythmic in the sack. I guess that is another story for another day. 

Last night, my ex-husband spent a considerable amount of time talking me out of martial arts and karate lessons.  He doesn't want me to earn a black belt.  He doesn't want me to own a gun. 

He thinks I'm better off taking a one hour self-defense course from the local police department (not sure if they actually exist) and buying a Taser.  I accused him of trying to protect his sister.

Seriously.....why would he be so against me taking steps to keep me safe from his sister unless he put her up to stalking me?  

Ugh!!!

Marital arts....oh my.....this has been the topic of numerous dreams.  Mercury must be retrograde because the first man who ever proposed to me is featured in them.  He's walking around with me, telling me to stay safe.  He's incredibly ticked off that anyone could scare me. 

This man's name was Anton.  When I knew him, he was a dark sorcerer.  He went to prison for nearly killing a man.  Upon release, he was a born again Christian who changed his name to Sampson.

Or so the story goes.  The story also says that the man he beat up raped me when I was seventeen.

That's a story.  I doubt there is little truth to it.

I have seen Sampson around town.  He stares.  I smile.  We do not exchange words.  I haven't heard his voice since 1991. 

One day, after Ross nearly beat the hell out of me, Sampson showed up at the front door.  Ross hit me and left for work.  Within an hour, Sampson showed up.  He yanked me out of the apartment, took me to lunch, and sat in our home waiting for an opportunity to glare at Ross.  At 2:00 a.m., we heard Ross's truck pull in the driveway.  We heard footsteps.  The moment the front door started to open, Sampson grabbed me and kissed me all the while I could feel him staring at Ross.

Then he left.  I haven't spoken to him since that day.

Ross laughed.  He said it was fairly obvious that I didn't invite the romantic interaction.

The beatings did stop for a few weeks. 

In 1987, my sister tried to set me up with a friend of hers.  I hated him.  He never called me by my name.  I was "lady."  I hated that.  He never left when I asked him to leave.  This man threw me to the floor and raped me.  He had me holed up in my apartment for four days.  When my friends would knock on the door to check up on me, he'd hide behind the front door with his firearm so I couldn't answer it.

This was graduation weekend.  I never attended my high school graduation. 

One day, though, this rapist asshole had to take a dump and took his pistol with him.  I took off when he was in the bathroom and a young Asian guy gave me money so that I could call my family. 

Long story short, this rapist jerk actually came back to my apartment looking for me.  Sampson was my neighbor.  Sampson heard the commotion, forced the ass to leave and stayed with me so I wouldn't be alone.  After about six months, he gave me a one ct. white gold engagement ring.  He also bought a gun for me to use. . 

At the time, he was my closest friend.  I couldn't marry him.  I felt incredibly traumatized by what had happened. 

His daddy was wealthy.  His dad would call me and tell me that I was welcome into the family.

I couldn't do that. 

Eventually, I left and gave everything I owned (except my musical instruments) to Sampson.  I moved to Englewood.  Sampson gave my possessions to a needy family and followed me.  He moved in with a man, started selling drugs, and we lost touch.

I'd hear rumors about him.  I never reached out.  Sampson became incredibly scary when he started selling drugs. 

He was a good man. 

For some damn reason, I am dreaming of him.  He's holding my hand as I walk down a busy street.  He's not holding it like a lover would hold it.  He's holding my hand like he's worried and concerned.

It's like he's the part of my subconscious mind that knows something is about to happen that my conscious mind won't face. 

I've spent the entire day pondering this.

There is a street fair this weekend.  I am slated to make an appearance.  It is in the park Sampson and I used to frequent when he was looking out for me.  I'll freak out if I run into him there. 

I guess the purpose of this post is two fold.  First, I am pretty sure that my ex-husband is having his sister stalk me and that he's trying to protect her from my anger.  Secondly, I think my subconscious mind is warning me about something. 

In my real life, Sampson always showed up when things became dangerous.  It is almost as though my subconscious mind is telling me that things are not as they seem and that I need to be careful.

What am I afraid of?

I'll let you know. 

Love ya,

S.