Skip to main content

Confusion

Today I am thankful that I understand that confusion is natural.


I'm going to admit it. 


I am confused. 


I am realizing that confusion is normal when someone doesn't have all the answers.


It is okay to be confused.


*****


I'm exhausted.  It was an emotionally trying day. 


I got the chairs back from Steve.


We had a five hour conversations at a bar.  We spoke of games, arguments, and witchcraft.  We spoke of all the reasons our friends and family think we should split. 


I think I embarrassed the cook. 


The cook is, in all reality, a chef.


He made us a masterpiece.  It was steak, wrapped around an avocado with some special sauce that no one could duplicate anywhere else.  It was wrapped in some fancy bread.  It was pretty good. 


He asked for feedback. 


I thought it was a work of art.


I told him that I enjoy eating Art.


Then he disclosed that Art was the name of his boss.


I think the red will leave my cheeks sometime within the next few weeks.


*****

I spent the better part of the morning waiting at an office. 

While there I thought about the stalking. 

I realize that if Mike is doing it, he's doing it out of concern.

I am not going to worry about it anymore.

Mike wouldn't hurt his kids.

Mike has never hit me. 

It's going to be okay. 

I do not understand why his sister does the things she does.  I am confused.  You know, it's okay. 

I'm not worried about the stalking due to my belief that Mike is behind it. 

I'm more worried about him not being able to survive if I don't earn money to nix the idea of alimony and lower his child support payment.

My time would be better served focused on earning cash. 

I am sorry that this is short.  I haven't been sleeping.  I need to try today. 

I need to go off and cry myself to sleep. 

Love ya,

S. 




Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004.  We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor his financial
Read more

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out
Read more