Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful that I understand that confusion is natural. I'm going to admit it.  I am confused.  I am realizing that confusion is normal when someone doesn't have all the answers. It is okay to be confused. ***** I'm exhausted.  It was an emotionally trying day.  I got the chairs back from Steve. We had a five hour conversations at a bar.  We spoke of games, arguments, and witchcraft.  We spoke of all the reasons our friends and family think we should split.  I think I embarrassed the cook.  The cook is, in all reality, a chef. He made us a masterpiece.  It was steak, wrapped around an avocado with some special sauce that no one could duplicate anywhere else.  It was wrapped in some fancy bread.  It was pretty good.  He asked for feedback.  I thought it was a work of art. I told him that I enjoy eating Art. Then he disclosed that Art was the name of his boss. I think the red will ...

  Today I am thankful for metaphors in movies. I've been pondering this scene today. I am realizing that sometimes when it comes to head and control games, "The only winning move is NOT to play." ***** The games have made me sick.  I have paired the memory of Steve with bloody vomit. I have paired the memory of Michael with fainting.  I don't care what happens now.  No man is worth the pain my physical body is in. I'll try to get in to see a physician once I get my new insurance card.   The anemia is not easy to deal with.  ***** I may contact the Sheriff tomorrow so I can get the chairs.  If he advises that I send a letter to Steve, I will.  If he wants to send an officer to meet me at his condo, I will.  I want this done. I also left a silver and carnelian ring at Steve's house.   That's okay.  I dodged a bullet, didn't I?  I nearly l...

Today I am thankful for the realization that chairs and a metaphor for control . I am also thankful for this song.  My ex-husband posted this song to my Facebook wall.  I am upset that he hasn't moved out and feel hopeless trying to befriend other men because his presence in my life makes me a loser.  I fear he's never going to leave.  I fear the stalking won't stop.  I think the song was meant to give me comfort because it tells me that I'm not his b!tch. Isn't that sweet? Maybe this will end soon.  Last week, my ex-boyfriend sent me a message on Facebook giving me 3 hours and 22 minutes to call him or he's throw out some high end folding chairs that I lent to him.  I used to use them for hosting meetings for my political action groups.  I got the message fifteen minutes before the end of the ultimatum. I saw that he had sent me several Facebook messages over the past week.  I never saw them.  In them, he ...

Today I am thankful for forums.   Someone shared this with me.  I'll do a cut and paste.  I've spent much of the past two weeks in solitude, in my recording studio.  I need to do that when people overrun me with requests.    I'll cut and paste below.  I want a man who will try to understand me.  Someday I'll find him.  Oh, I have an opportunity cooking in Phoenix.  I'll let you know how it pans out.  I'm super excited.  It's just a preliminary interview but I'd love to get away from my stalker.  I have nothing holding me here now.  Okay....here is the cut and paste.  You can find it here: http://personalitycafe.com/infj-forum-protectors/100682-understanding-infjs-dummies-2.html It is not a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I am under more stress now than at any other time in my life.  I need to take time to myself to find a solution.  So.... I'm not the only one in the world t...

Tomorrow I will be thankful for the Sheriff's Office. Michael still wants the chairs.  I drove out to pick them out of the trash at Steve's Condo one last time. I KNOW Steve saw me.  I came by around 8:30 p.m.  I saw him walk across the parking lot.  I didn't want to bother him, so I slowed down and waited for him to pass by before driving to the trash.  The chairs weren't there.  I gave him a little over an hour to put them out. I went to the store to buy offerings for Isis. They were still not there as of 10:30 p.m.. I'll call the Sheriff in the morning to ask advice.  I'm sure the Sheriff will tell me to text him to ask him to leave them on his porch on Monday, so I can get them while he is at work.   You can't get a restraining order until someone harasses you at least twice in a short period of time or makes a threat on your life.  I'll do my best to honor his request that I never contact h...

Today I am thankful for little joys. I think I know what pissed Steve off.  I answered one of my Pagan Life Coach buddy's Facebook inquiries. He had asked what was more important Love or Money. On his Facebook wall, for the entire world to see, I told him that I thought the most important thing was love.  I believed with all of my heart that love could heal the world.  I believed that no mountain could be insurmountable with love.  I was wrong.  It took a financial crisis (my money being kept from me and my fears surrounding taking new clients due to the stalking) to get me to realize that I needed money before I could engage in a love affair.  That, in the end, we need balance.  We need the ability to take care of our selves before we can take care of others.  We need to put gas in our own cars before we can drive anyone else around.  I also said that once I find work, I will aim for a love that is more respectf...