Today I am thankful for boring places....like Kansas.
I awoke this morning with an epiphany.
I must sell the house and move the kids as far away from the stalking as humanly possible.
My ex-husband does not like the idea.
I do not like it either.
The children can get scholarships here. If we move, they lose those opportunities.
I don't know what else to do.
I'd prefer that my kids have student loans and be saddled with debt if it prevents them from being killed by a psycho with a gun.
Besides.... I can't afford the cost of living where I am unless I want to go back to celebrity status. I'm not really famous -but- in order to do what I do and make money, I have to be in the public eye. Being in the public eye invites more stalking. Right now, I'm trying to hide from everyone and everything until the stalking blows over.
I don't understand why my in-laws are trying to break into my home. I do not understand why they leave weird stuff on my porch, follow me around, glare at me, and call me Satan.
I don't think it will stop.
I do not think I am safe.
I certainly do not think the children are safe.
It is time to move.
Shannon is too lazy to drive to Kansas.
I think I'll go back to my former name.
It was a Duran Duran song.
I know that Shannon remembers that.
I'll certainly be a misfit in the land of Korn.
Okay...it is more like the land of GMO wheat.
I can buy a house the same size as the one I have now for the cost of my equity minus realtor fees.
I'm seriously looking at that.
Or else.....
I can pay some poor soul to pretend to marry me.
Nah.....I don't hate other people like that.
Now, my ex-husband says that he can prove that Shannon is done stalking me. He thinks that if he can prove that her acts of violence are over because she agrees to leave me alone, the judge won't permit me to move.
Shannon would never sign anything like that.
I don't think Shannon is acting alone.
I don't think Shannon is acting alone.
Do you know why?
My ex-husband wants to move in with me at the new house.
He wants to move with me to Kansas.
It is incredibly hard for me NOT to believe that he's the stalker now.
Please pray for me.
Love,
S.
Next Morning Edit:
I am 100% sure that my ex-husband is my stalker and that he is putting his sister up to doing his dirty work. Why do I say this?
I tried to talk to him about problem solving the issue. If he doesn't want me moving to Kansas, maybe we can find a new way for the stalking to end here.
Well....that didn't work out very well. He got defensive, crossed his arms and refused to give me eye contact. Then he started to criticize me.
He doesn't want me to see Steve. He literally forbade me from seeing Steve. He said he was a distraction but wouldn't say what Steve was distracting me from.
My ex-husband wants to try to control my weekends. He wants to know what my plans are for the coming weekends.
He's still living here.
He's trying to control my daily life. The divorce agreement gives him a discount on child support if he picks up the kids from school. There is a 50% chance each day that he will follow through and, quite often, I end up dropping what I am doing to pick them up.
No...he doesn't have to pay child support as long as he's living here. I'd just like to know when I need to be here to pick up the kids. I hate it when I'm told that he will do it and he does not.
I am realizing that so long as I give into him on little things, letting him control the television, the vehicles, my time, my energy, and so on.....he's still going to stalk me.
This morning I made it unequivocally clear that I would NEVER have sex with, romance him, or even marry him again. I told him that I am having trouble desiring sex with anyone so long as I am enduring the stalking so following me around is really not going to bring any dirty pictures or fruit that can be used to control me. I told him that I will never be able to have sex with him due to my inability to trust him.
Perhaps in my efforts of trying to be a friend to my ex-husband, I have created a situation where the control and stalking still exist.
It is being done to control me. The refusal to honor the divorce agreement and share the assets is another means to control me. I'm trying to get away but am still finding myself stuck.
This is why I am depressed.
I need to make it clear that things need to change.
Running off to Kansas is probably taking it a tad bit too far.
I'll ponder this a little bit more.
Next Morning Edit:
I am 100% sure that my ex-husband is my stalker and that he is putting his sister up to doing his dirty work. Why do I say this?
I tried to talk to him about problem solving the issue. If he doesn't want me moving to Kansas, maybe we can find a new way for the stalking to end here.
Well....that didn't work out very well. He got defensive, crossed his arms and refused to give me eye contact. Then he started to criticize me.
He doesn't want me to see Steve. He literally forbade me from seeing Steve. He said he was a distraction but wouldn't say what Steve was distracting me from.
My ex-husband wants to try to control my weekends. He wants to know what my plans are for the coming weekends.
He's still living here.
He's trying to control my daily life. The divorce agreement gives him a discount on child support if he picks up the kids from school. There is a 50% chance each day that he will follow through and, quite often, I end up dropping what I am doing to pick them up.
No...he doesn't have to pay child support as long as he's living here. I'd just like to know when I need to be here to pick up the kids. I hate it when I'm told that he will do it and he does not.
I am realizing that so long as I give into him on little things, letting him control the television, the vehicles, my time, my energy, and so on.....he's still going to stalk me.
This morning I made it unequivocally clear that I would NEVER have sex with, romance him, or even marry him again. I told him that I am having trouble desiring sex with anyone so long as I am enduring the stalking so following me around is really not going to bring any dirty pictures or fruit that can be used to control me. I told him that I will never be able to have sex with him due to my inability to trust him.
Perhaps in my efforts of trying to be a friend to my ex-husband, I have created a situation where the control and stalking still exist.
It is being done to control me. The refusal to honor the divorce agreement and share the assets is another means to control me. I'm trying to get away but am still finding myself stuck.
This is why I am depressed.
I need to make it clear that things need to change.
Running off to Kansas is probably taking it a tad bit too far.
I'll ponder this a little bit more.