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Getting Rid of Psychic Gunk (edited)

Today I am thankful that the clouds are starting to lift.




I am still ignoring men.  I am ignoring the men I love.  I am ignoring the men who slap my ass.  I am trying to take time to process all of the negative feedback that I receive. 


I am not sure how to handle it though. 


I want to know why I attract dark emotional people who try to break my heart. 


I am trying to process all of the negative criticism that has come my way over the past six months.


I haven't slept well in three weeks. 


I realized, though, the negative criticism is NOT about me.


The man who complains that I don't do anything all day wishes he could work for himself.


The man who complains that you never loved him, - well, he never loved you.


The man who is claims that he knows more than any psychotherapist on the planet, needs a lot of therapy.


It goes on and on.


I have let myself be a male toxic thought waste dump. 


I'm not sure if it would have been easier to be a slutty sperm receptacle.


I don't know what to do. 


I am letting my ex's negative thoughts clutter my world.


I don't know where I stand with Steve.  Some of my friends refer to him as my ex.  Others tell me to stay away.  Some tell me he loves me.  I don't know.  I really cannot live like this anymore.


I guess it does not matter.  If he is meant to be with me, things will change.  If not, things will change. 


I'll throw my hands up and let the chips fall where they may. 


I've got a job interview this afternoon. 


Wish me luck.


Love ya,


S.

Nightime Edit:

Well, it is super difficult to sell oneself at an interview when she remembers phrases in the back of her head like

"You're a sociopath."
"You call yourself a psychologist."
"You've got a lot of insecurities."

There were other little tidbits about me not doing political work or doing anything all day that went rounds in my head when people asked what my accomplishments are. 

My mind went blank. 

I did get some good feedback though.  The interviewers picked up on my empathy and my genuine desire to help others.  They suggested that I look into grant writing for a couple of non-profits or working at the county helping people get off of welfare.

I don't know....no government entity would hire me.  I've fought a lot of tax hikes.

Hmmmmm.......maybe they will hire me if they think they can shut me up. 

I am still very sad.  I can't handle the negativity in my life. 

I'm still living with an ex who causes me to question my reality.  Now, I have (or maybe had) a boyfriend who would put me down every few weeks when he felt bad about himself.

I'm in pain.  I'm about to swear off love, sex, and all of that.  I feel ugly and hideous.  I feel unf*ckable.  I want a day without tears. 

I truly think that I have to get away from people who put me down.  It doesn't matter if I love them. 

I love me.  I have a family to support.  I cannot deal with that kind of negativity anymore. 

If that doesn't work, I'll try Zoloft.

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