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Desires

Today I am thankful for defining at least one thing I want. 


I want a chastity belt.


I'm starting to develop a crush on Nick. I spent the last week avoiding him.  Last night, I had a wonderful conversation with him until midnight.  There were some things said that made it awfully hard to sleep.
I went to bed wondering if, perhaps, I need to move on.  I mean the universe brought me a guy who would let me practice my bass for eight hours straight without getting angry.  He'd let me listen to all the Bootsy I wanted.  He would understand why I need to practice until I can sound like Larry Graham before going to an audition.  Crap, he'd know who Larry Graham is.  I could be my Pagan self.  He'd understand my desire to sit in my recording studio all day. I could be my Liberty activist self.  I could watch all the movies I wanted to watch. 

I find it easier to talk to him about sensual stuff than Steve.   He makes me think the dirtiest thoughts.


Still....I don't know him well enough to say if we'll hit it off.  I've only met him twice.  Once at a charity auction, when I tripped over his feet.  A second time at a nightclub when his kilt started to fall off.  He was with other women at the time.


Yeah....I don't know. 


*****
ļ»æ

This morning, while checking my email, I found one from Steve. Steve wants me to forgive him and spend the weekend with him.  He seemed excited that I would even talk to him at all.  He is okay with my celibacy and not wanting to be with him in an intimate fashion right now.

I wonder what he's up to.

*****


We are all going to the same Pagan festival for the next four days.


On the bright side, it will be at a camp ground where the showers are all cold!


This will NOT end well. 

The only thing I am learning from all of this is that I have a heck of a hard time with break-ups.  I really fear seeing new men until I clean up my life.

I'm off to get flowers for Isis.  May she send Steve, Nick, and I to the people we are meant to be with.



Love ya,


S.



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